tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post8625451748667034979..comments2024-03-28T05:08:54.838-07:00Comments on Jon's Jail Journal (by Shaun Attwood): Jonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02894626355758041112noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-87988793044014057312023-03-14T12:50:52.072-07:002023-03-14T12:50:52.072-07:00make money online We provide an opportunity for yo...<b><a href="https://starnet.click" rel="nofollow">make money online</a></b> We provide an opportunity for you to take control of your finances. Join our group of experienced traders and start earning up to $300 a week! #RealMoney #RealResultsstarnet.clickhttp://starnet.clicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-57587492310723988062023-03-07T04:16:13.769-08:002023-03-07T04:16:13.769-08:00Unlock your financial freedom with us! We’re a gro...Unlock your financial freedom with us! 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Pretty please? I NEED A FIX! It's worse than crack - I imagine<BR/><BR/>Hugs & Kisses<BR/><BR/>Chris HChris Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02525205208938521306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-59129517029854562972009-04-01T18:17:00.000-07:002009-04-01T18:17:00.000-07:00I really like Sally's ideas, actually; I espec...I really like Sally's ideas, actually; I especially like her notion of you describing the jail layout. I'd even devote a small chapter to that - that location is al inchpin to your tale & spending a few pages walking thru the grounds would be enormously beneficial to your readers.<BR/><BR/>It would be great for you to walk through the jail grounds andall that entails - the violence, the fear - let us feel it & you can move on to describing events without worrying that exposition is needed - better not to use obvious exposition - our imaginations can do wonders when we have an idea where we are.<BR/><BR/>i'd recommend Dickens, Poe, or Upton Sinclair for references on acquainting a reader with filthy condition and dark emotional spaces. Or Louis Ferdinand. ;-)Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02899760273226914231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-83079160662748234942009-04-01T01:55:00.000-07:002009-04-01T01:55:00.000-07:00Thanks, Erik, for taking the time ro read my nonse...Thanks, Erik, for taking the time ro read my nonsense.<BR/><BR/>Chris H, I'll see what I can slip you after I make a few more revisions.<BR/><BR/>Chris In Phoenix. It is my hope that my style is slowly maturing, that I am not losing my own voice. I think Sue O sees where I'm going in the long term with this.<BR/><BR/>Shaun AttwoodJonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02894626355758041112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-37901925884194824412009-03-31T17:05:00.000-07:002009-03-31T17:05:00.000-07:00I have just spent the last three days reading my w...I have just spent the last three days reading my way through all (well most, I have skipped some posts) of this.<BR/>And first of all i have to say damn you. I was meant to be getting on with uni work!<BR/>more seriously though, wow.<BR/>I'm quite lost for words actually, but must of course say that it's good you're not only out but have been for some time now.<BR/>I'm definitely going to be following this in real time, at the very least until i find out when I'll be able to get my hands on that book.<BR/>hope to comment more in the future and best of luck, enjoy Guildford, it is kind've of nice in it's own staid manner.<BR/>Erik.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-80953212509395986642009-03-31T15:32:00.000-07:002009-03-31T15:32:00.000-07:00I sort of agree with the continuing argument that ...I sort of agree with the continuing argument that you don't want to "lose your voice", but I know once again from the visual arts, that takes years to develop-to consciously put something down that is that consistently you and is also readable. I think you'll combine the best of both worlds.<BR/><BR/>P.S. Our famous creep of a judge, Mark Ciavarella, made Luzerne County, PA famous by appearing on 20/20 (Kids for Cash scandal), the NY Times, Philadelphia major news...I think we have a contender for the Sheriff of Nothingham position. Oh, just on our local news today-he insists he has judicial immunity. How do these men grow such insufferable egos???Sue O. (aka Joannie, SS)https://www.blogger.com/profile/02495926658531459181noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-73382903711070391782009-03-31T02:10:00.000-07:002009-03-31T02:10:00.000-07:00Yo yo yoAny more for us loyal few to read, Big Daw...Yo yo yo<BR/><BR/>Any more for us loyal few to read, Big Dawg??<BR/><BR/>I await your response with baited breath...<BR/><BR/>Hugs & Kisses,<BR/><BR/>Chris HChris Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02525205208938521306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-78708958190671082092009-03-30T22:36:00.000-07:002009-03-30T22:36:00.000-07:00I think we all have writing styles, it's great to ...I think we all have writing styles, it's great to get constuctive criticism, or at least some other ideas to work with. Great that you're even as far as you are in your book. I have started 'Prison Widow' as of a few days ago it's just a bunch of ideas and timelines but it's a start 'eh? I can't wait for more of your little excerpts...keep 'em comin' Shaun!Briandihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16481814566175262848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-68097315752904733362009-03-30T15:34:00.000-07:002009-03-30T15:34:00.000-07:00Maybe I have read to much of your stuff, but your ...Maybe I have read to much of your stuff, but your opening section is starting to sound more like a work of fiction or you writing it as an observer than as someone it is happening to. It sounds less like your voice. Maybe ask Sally how you can preserve that quality while still improving the prose.Corbsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-78972722791218254452009-03-30T10:57:00.000-07:002009-03-30T10:57:00.000-07:00Once again, I have to disagree with your mentor. S...Once again, I have to disagree with your mentor. She has a style. You have a style. They are different. I like yours better. Your text is evolving more and more toward her style. You are being well mentored, in the sense of learning what she wants to teach - but I still like your style better.<BR/><BR/>ChrisChris Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13368959552769808835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-91993629661662587942009-03-30T08:36:00.000-07:002009-03-30T08:36:00.000-07:00Wow. What a work in progress. I never knew such ha...Wow. What a work in progress. I never knew such hard work went into writing a book. The miniscule details seem to be grueling at times and may call for a pint! I would have thrown my hands up in the air a few times already. The constant re-visions. But you are doing your thing Jon. Congratulations. :) -Jose in San DiegoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-32134637946717422882009-03-30T05:24:00.000-07:002009-03-30T05:24:00.000-07:00I'd ask Dr.S who did our creative writing/critical...I'd ask Dr.S who did our creative writing/critical thinking class if he knows anyone who will mentor you in the Tucson area. <BR/><BR/>Sally came about for me thanks to the Koestler Trust, but Koestler only cover England. <BR/><BR/>Shaun AttwoodJonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02894626355758041112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578792.post-34062010876712057032009-03-30T05:22:00.000-07:002009-03-30T05:22:00.000-07:00Hey,Good morning. Read your blog about the Koestl...Hey,<BR/>Good morning. Read your blog about the Koestler Trust and Sally Hinchcliffe. I need to find the equivalent of Ms. Hinchcliffe over here in the States. Constructive criticism from someone who knows what they are doing would be very helpful. Everyone I show my writing to at present just tells me how good it is. The praise feels good, pumps up my ego, but is not really what I want at this point. Got any ideas to where I could get a mentor like Sally over here?<BR/><BR/>Weird AlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com