07 Nov 07
Dear Mum & Dad
In a letter from Jon:
T-Bone’s parting advice moved me greatly, especially when he emphasised how I need to talk to you two when I get home and to get to know more about you as human beings. I agree with him wholeheartedly. Some talks are in order. He also pointed out that Mum’s stress over me adjusting to freedom is grounded in love. I know this, but I don’t want you, Mum, to wear yourself out with worry. I’ve caused you enough heartbreak, and couldn’t be more ashamed of the hurt I’ve caused you. I want to do whatever I can to lessen your burden.
I'm concerned about Mum’s dreams of me with drugged-up eyes. The partying I did produced a disaster for all of us. It did not produce the endless fun I’d imagined. It produced imprisonment and a chain reaction of emotional damage to the people who love me the most. There’s no way I can allow the set of circumstances that led to that disaster to ever happen again. I did drugs because I felt inadequate. I was unhappy with my sober self and drugs brought out an alter ego that attracted people like crazy. This persona took over because I lacked the strength of character to be myself. That’s not the case anymore. My character has strengthened, and I’ve become who I am. I no longer feel the need to impress people by acting like a loon. I am happy with who I’ve become. And this transformation is probably the biggest benefit I’ve received from incarceration, and the reason I no longer feel that I need to take drugs to compensate for something I lack in a natural state.
It’s my hope that your feelings of worry will be assuaged if you try focussing not on my past, but on the person I have become, the real me, the me that’s entering the world confident he will not repeat the past disaster, or let anything prevent him from pursuing a positive, healthy, and happy lifestyle.
With love, Jon
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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
If everyone in life could get to the place you have, the world would be a different one indeed. How often I see wrecked lives in recovery ministry because people throw away their true God-given nature for something that is false. Doing what is right is the most freeing, exciting and fulfilling life there is. If drinking, drugging, cheating, lying and doing all sorts of harmful things to get what you want in life is right, why does it end up ruining it in the end? And it does-when finally a person comes to that realization, they are free no matter who or where they are.
ReplyDeleteWell written, and the comment from Joannie. We are constantly on a journey. You have learned from your mistakes, and you have become stronger. You must remember this, as life is not perfect, and there may be times that you may feel inadequate again, but you will know what you have learned. We are all at the mercy of God, whose love for us is constant and never wavers.
ReplyDeleteTerry B