30 Jul 08

From T-Bone (Letter 6)

T-Bone - Radiating power and strength, this deeply-spiritual massively-built African-American towers over most inmates. He is a prison gladiator with more stab wounds than Julius Caesar. A good man to have on your side.

7-14-08

Hey Brother,

Peace to you + yours!

I want to respond to some of the comments that were made in the blog about me and Scooter.
Yes, I have run into a lot of people who associate me being large as an opportunity for them to test their fighting skills. Also, I’ve run into more of the opposite: those who think that people who are larger than them are slow of wit and/or stupid. There are also some who think that all big men are slow physically, meaning their hand or foot speed and/or hand-eye coordination.

Even though most smaller people are faster afoot than most big people, it doesn’t mean that we’re all made the same in regards to speed and hand-eye coordination. It’s a myth and it can be dangerous in some situations to think so.
I’ve put myself in some very dangerous situations and only by God’s grace am I here today, and my ability to fight has nothing to do with it.
One must understand who she or he is in the life they decide to live, and know that a higher power has helped them when they shouldn’t be here today.

In here you can either be an asshole and use your ability to stand up or be punked or allow someone who is weaker to be punked. I won’t allow myself to be punked, and I’ve been made (created) to stand up for those who can’t fight for themselves. So I’ve always had a target on my back because of my size and because I’m an African American.
Now since I’ve matured and I have a clearer understanding of life and what I want (like a good woman) I do what I do as a matter of choice and I choose to do what is right for me period.

As for the comment about education and people in here, what can one say who doesn’t know how it is in here.
There are a lot of guys who have achieved several degrees while locked up and it hasn’t made them better people. And there are those who earned degrees before they got locked up, and they made the choices to do what they did!
Forget about how a man writes, for it starts at home. Values. We all must be taught the importance of values. Having faith, I know whoever reads this understands.
But saying that, a basic education is essential. It is important for personal growth and for understanding values!

Shaun, I want to talk to you about temptations. You know, my friend, that it will sneak up on you in a second and you’ll find yourself in bed with dope once more. And no matter how good it feels, it only leads to death and/or destruction of oneself and her or his belongings!
Be careful at the local drinking hole. Getting into the habit of having one beer a week is questionable.
At least eat some good English beef or get some peanuts to eat along with that strong English beer.
I am not going to apologize for being protective because my love and respect for you is genuine, and I know you’re going to be a great writer one day!

Things are the same here. I am waiting until next year when I am out of here. There are the usual people in this place who want to do dope and think they’re slick. They play the same slick games on each other and the same racial games to take advantage of the new guys!
I’ve been offered several jobs, from personal security to a _____ man, and several jobs south of the line, Mexico!

Before I forget, I really enjoyed the pictures, the English countryside is beautiful. You have no idea how badly I want to see Hadrian’s Wall. Wow! That looks like fun!

You keep your head up, but before I go I shall answer the question about working out. When you work out, you must keep in mind why you’re doing it. For good looks? Punching power? Conditioning? Or just plain power? There is a lot more to it and I am willing to train anyone with the right frame of mind.

Peace + Love to you, Brother

Each one – Teach one

Strength & Honor

T-Bone

Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2007-2008 Shaun P. Attwood

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good Day Shaun,

That was a very well written post. I knoe most people tire of the repetitive mention of staying away from "vices", but they fail to understand that he isn't blowing hot air to sell wolf tickets. He is genuinely concerned about your affairs in good health. It is extremely easy, I mean too easy to fall back into one's old habits. This isn't just a prison condition, but a human complex.

I have seen coworkers spiral out of control after 9 months sobriety after one happy hour. It happens, and he is only reminding you.

So please take it light on T-Bone, he only wishes well folks.

I have a question for T-Bone, if you can forward this along to him for his next Q & A:

T-Bone,

With all due respect and no ill intent, I was wondering, what are your immediate goals when you hit the gate? I am really meaning short term here. It seems like you have your heart set on finding a good girl, but I was thinking that maybe focusing on yourself for a while and avoiding any additional stress for a while until you get things in line may be a more beneficial approach. Decompress, take it all in, get employed, work for a couple months, then start to feel other parts out.

regardless of a womans best intentions, shit happens. I ahve been there when I got out and it added more stress from an Angel above than it was worth. I almost went back on some backdoor family bull that had nothing to do with me. Too much in too little time. It almost got to me.

Anyway, I hope you take it into consideration. Alrato and God Bless. -Jose in San Diego

dirtos said...

Shaun,
between you and me, you're probably alright having a tot, just don't tell T Bone about it, eh?


Oh yeah, and don't tell him I told you that...

Sue O. (aka Joannie, SS) said...

I do agree with Jose in terms of addiction being that insidious. A friend and co-leader of a 12 step I'm part of is back in rehab after a great two years and looking like he had the world by the man parts. That is never the case.

It's odd-it seems like the people most prone to serious addiction are the ones who are also most able to achieve greatness. They can't do anything half way.

I think as long as Shaun is writing and has good goals, the rest will take care of itself, or anyone for that matter. I do agree as well about staying away from too serious a relationship to start or having that as a focus is not a good idea, but life happens. I just know for women in particular, that is really tough and is often the reason they fall or quit a program.

Sue said...

Damn. Sometimes I feel like an imposter commenting on here, as I don't know anyone in/who has been to prison.
My boyfriends daughter is in jail for now but that's another story I may tell one day.

I just want to say that T-Bone sounds like he's learned a lot and is a genuine guy. Does he need a penpal?

Jose - you've been there and done that, did it kick you up the arse and are you dealing with your demons now?

Sue(aka Joannie) - I'm not sure if you were an addict and in jail/prison, or if someone close to you was?

Either way, Shaun has my email address and I'd love some more input on what you both went through and how you deal with it?

Sue from Hull, now in Costa Mesa.

Sue O. (aka Joannie, SS) said...

Sure, Sue-glad to be of help. My son is alcoholic, murdered his best friend in a drunken stupor and is now serving state time. The way I've chosen to deal is get involved with 12 step groups to help me, my family, and my son when he gets back home. The whole incident put addiction right into our laps and I could not ignore the needs of people in that spot, especially in prison. I run a recovery group for female inmates. I had to learn to change my thinking, too. (Shaun has my e-mail as well, so if you want to connect I'm fine with that).

Anonymous said...

Good morning Sue,

Well to start off a quick recap, I am in my early 30's and I was locked up in Juvenile Hall (playtime), and Camp Barrett (more camp snoopy) when I was younger. When I turned 17 I started to go back to school and focus on getting my act together. I graduated High School and got a job at a local Smog Shop as a helper, but I never changed my ways. I was living at home with my mom so all of my paychecks went to drugs, weapons, girls, and partying. My head is still very messed up from the drugs I did. We went to Circuit Parties in LA and Orange County in the early 90
s to score acid and ex and sell it to the homeboys. Taking 6 tabs at once really did some damage to me. Like I said, I am clean now except for a cold beer once in a great while or a champagne toast on New Years, but I run a tight ship on myself now.

My gangbanging and accumulation of many bullshit stupid charges is what led me to my incarceration. Felony Assault (I sprayed some dude with mace in a fight when Mace was illegal to carry and was still a felony circa 1995-ish), brandishing of a weapon, possession of brass knuckles (which in California is a felony), and ticky-tacky things here and there. Finally, the Judge "W" got mad at me and stated that there was no excuse for my behavior when I had such potential. He stated that if I returned to prison without changing my life it would be the most waste he has ever seen before him. With that, I was sent up the river.

Now to get to your question, I ran a tidbit before on my prison experience a few posts back, and it is different for a Southern California hpsianic gang member. There is no interfighting, we runa strict set of rules to abide by, and Surenos (spanish for Southerners) are the largest prison group here in California so we outnumber EVERYONE. As long as you don't volunteer yourself and mind your own business and stick to your race and car, which I did, you just do your time. If the "Big Homies" (mafiosos from the EME) ask you to take care of someone, you do it. No questions asked. The reward is a BUNCH of commisary and even more respect. Very easy to adapt to. Without a program to follow, prison is VERY BORING. You need to stay busy.

So yes, it did kick me in the ass. I wanted out. I had a lot of good girlfriends and ALOT of family and I missed them dearly. I thoght about someone passing away in my family or hurting them and me not being able to be there for them. It was terrible. Then you think about what can be accomplished in 5 years wasted and it hurt. But I stayed strong and got my life together when I got out. I stayed clean and sober, Did not touch ANY dope inside the pen anyway, and I went to school. One of my girlfriends told me to go with her to a typing course about 2 weeks after I got out and I did. Well I stayed in that class from opening to close EVERYDAY for a week straight until I received my certificate. Then I went to work for a law firm as a clerk that my cousin interned at and it was the stepping stone that changed my life.

So yes, it did kick me in the arse. I am doing great now, and Shaun will find the same success no doubt.

Hope that helps Sue. Take care.

Sue said...

Wow! Thanks, Joannie and Jose. I wasn't expecting those responses, but my god do I appreciate them.

My story:
The guy I love who untii last year was nothing more than a friend for 8 years.....he's significantly older than me. He has a 20 year old daughter who got involved in meth and the lifestyle that goes with meth addiction (yeah, I read a bunch of books about it after the fact, therefore I KNOW!!! LOL! :D)
So, natch, she went to jail on different charges and got out on an electronic tag last year. I don't want to go into detail as it's not my job and want to use some discretion, but she's now back inside on a probation violation.

Shaun, as Joannie and I have both said, you have our email addresses - can you hook us up? I'd like more input from her point of view so I can deal better with what the man and I are going through. Can you also (if you are in touch with him) send Jose my email address?

Cheers,

Sue from Hell, going back to Hell next week then returning to Costa Mesa (thank F!) two weeks later ;)

Anonymous said...

is the blog unfrozen yet?

Jon said...

Readers of Jon's Jail Journal,

Jon's Jail Journal has been attacked, almost deleted and is presently frozen.

The source of the attack is unknown, but supporters of Sheriff Joe Arpaio are the main suspects.

I am unable to post any blogs until Blogspot unfreezes Jon's Jail Journal, which I hope will be soon.

Shaun Attwood

ps) in the meantime, here's the link to an article that just came out about Jon's Jail Journal
http://www.motherjones.com/commentary/columns/2008/07/blogging-behind-bars.html

Anonymous said...

Another well written post. Hope your doing well

Alan

Jon said...

The site is up but still frozen by Blogspot. I can not post any new blogs. Only comments can be posted.

Shaun Attwood

Ms. Long Island said...

Hey Shaun!
Are they giving you any indication as to when things will be back up or who did this?

*Ms. Long Island*

Jon said...

It's impossible to get much info from Blogspot. They emailed that it may take a few days to unfreeze the blog.

Shaun Attwood

Suzanne said...

They froze the blog! Bastards. So much for free speech. They'll unlock it but processing will take a couple of days.

Suzanne said...

p.s. You don't have big ears. LOL.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that, mate.
Hope it gets back up soon.
Love Rach xx

Anonymous said...

Holy crap about your blog being attacked - that totally sucks. I hope you have an archive in case anything DOES happen?

T

Anonymous said...

Shitty. Good luck with that.

L

Anonymous said...

You should also create a backup copy of the blog (the entire thing) and continue to back it up with each new post (even if that means copying all the posts onto Word documents and keeping the stuff on discs) so if someone does delete you, it may slow you down but not for long!

Anonymous said...

We feel for you! Can you amp up the security access on your site?

Anonymous said...

I sure hope you have archived everything to your computer in case they do. Seems you have shaken Arpaio a bit.

Steph

Anonymous said...

Hey Shaun,
For some reason this doesn't surprise me. The supporters or Arpaio are just as unstable as he is. I will keep checking throughout the day. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

***Rhonda***

Anonymous said...

Looks like the site is back up now. Do you know what happened? What do you think caused the attack?

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about this, but it doesn't surprise me who you think is behind it. It looks like it's back up. You may want to alert your readers to a new web site that is launching next week: joesgottogo.com.

Todd

Anonymous said...

Oh my god thats crazy - How mean are they?

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