“What motivates prisoners to rape other prisoners?” I asked.
“Two things: sexual desire and anger,” Xena replied.
“In what proportion?”
“I’d say more than half are out of anger or hatred.”
“Hatred of themselves or their victims?”
“Probably both. Taking anger at themselves out on their victims.”
“Have you been raped in prison?”
“Yes”
“How did it make you feel?”
“Pretty fucked up. It’s very degrading.”
“What happened?”
“The first time was a gang rape. They beat the shit out of me. It was definitely motivated by anger. They stuffed things inside my body, beat me until I was unconscious, raped me while I was unconscious.”
“What did they stick inside your body?”
“A broomstick.”
“How do you know, if you were unconscious, that they raped you?"
“When I had to excrete afterwards. I could tell by what came out.”
“What did you do after being raped?"
“I sat in my cell for two weeks waiting for the physical scars to go away. I got moved to another yard where the same thing happened. They beat the shit out of me and raped me and used me afterwards as a sex toy, a prostitute, or as far as prison terminology is concerned, a punk.”
“Emotionally, how did you feel?”
“Degraded. There was no recourse, no one to talk to. Someone who’s raped can’t go to admin or they’ll throw you in the hole for months, or years, in a dungeon. They’ll say it’s for your own protection. A person can do absolutely nothing other than killing the perpetrators. There’s no way to have someone prosecuted. The victim is labelled a rat and a punk – considered less than a human being.”
“The guards won’t help you? There are no remedies?”
“Who would believe you? Even admin won’t believe you. They just think that you’re playing games.”
“Did you think about killing the people who did this to you?”
“I thought about killing myself first. I wanted to. I still do sometimes.”
At this point I stopped the interview because Xena was crying.
Xena returned an hour later.
“I’ve got more to tell you.”
“OK.”
“When prisoners are being used for sexual purposes they are told to appear like men – to grow moustaches, to shave their heads or to be clean cut – so nobody believes that so and so is using them for sex. The belief that we’re treated like females is a false belief. Looking how you’re told to look is denying who you are, what you are.”
“Do you have any advice for parents whose youngsters have been imprisoned for weed or DUIs? Does this happen mostly to youngsters?”
“Yes. Especially if they don’t have money. But it can happen to anybody. I’ve seen it happen to big mad mo’-fo’s, to skinny people, even to the ugliest people in the world. People who come to prison who aren’t street smart, who aren’t schooled, who don’t understand the mentality of the ghetto life, who have never been subjected to the hardships of street life, those are the people who get preyed upon.”
“How did you stop it?”
“I took the abuse for as long as I could, and then I started fighting. I won most of the fights. When I stood up, and told them that I didn’t care about getting killed, it stopped. You’ve got to be ruthless.”
“Well, Xena, I’m going to post this with your permission, hoping that your account will help the public to understand the prison-rape problem. Thanks for sharing such personal information.”
“You’re welcome.”
She-Ra is one of my prison friends in my new book, Prison Time.
Click here to read about the prisoners at this blog who range from Mafia hit men to giant transsexuals.
Shaun Attwood
Copyright © 2004-2005 Shaun P. Attwood
“Two things: sexual desire and anger,” Xena replied.
“In what proportion?”
“I’d say more than half are out of anger or hatred.”
“Hatred of themselves or their victims?”
“Probably both. Taking anger at themselves out on their victims.”
“Have you been raped in prison?”
“Yes”
“How did it make you feel?”
“Pretty fucked up. It’s very degrading.”
“What happened?”
“The first time was a gang rape. They beat the shit out of me. It was definitely motivated by anger. They stuffed things inside my body, beat me until I was unconscious, raped me while I was unconscious.”
“What did they stick inside your body?”
“A broomstick.”
“How do you know, if you were unconscious, that they raped you?"
“When I had to excrete afterwards. I could tell by what came out.”
“What did you do after being raped?"
“I sat in my cell for two weeks waiting for the physical scars to go away. I got moved to another yard where the same thing happened. They beat the shit out of me and raped me and used me afterwards as a sex toy, a prostitute, or as far as prison terminology is concerned, a punk.”
“Emotionally, how did you feel?”
“Degraded. There was no recourse, no one to talk to. Someone who’s raped can’t go to admin or they’ll throw you in the hole for months, or years, in a dungeon. They’ll say it’s for your own protection. A person can do absolutely nothing other than killing the perpetrators. There’s no way to have someone prosecuted. The victim is labelled a rat and a punk – considered less than a human being.”
“The guards won’t help you? There are no remedies?”
“Who would believe you? Even admin won’t believe you. They just think that you’re playing games.”
“Did you think about killing the people who did this to you?”
“I thought about killing myself first. I wanted to. I still do sometimes.”
At this point I stopped the interview because Xena was crying.
Xena returned an hour later.
“I’ve got more to tell you.”
“OK.”
“When prisoners are being used for sexual purposes they are told to appear like men – to grow moustaches, to shave their heads or to be clean cut – so nobody believes that so and so is using them for sex. The belief that we’re treated like females is a false belief. Looking how you’re told to look is denying who you are, what you are.”
“Do you have any advice for parents whose youngsters have been imprisoned for weed or DUIs? Does this happen mostly to youngsters?”
“Yes. Especially if they don’t have money. But it can happen to anybody. I’ve seen it happen to big mad mo’-fo’s, to skinny people, even to the ugliest people in the world. People who come to prison who aren’t street smart, who aren’t schooled, who don’t understand the mentality of the ghetto life, who have never been subjected to the hardships of street life, those are the people who get preyed upon.”
“How did you stop it?”
“I took the abuse for as long as I could, and then I started fighting. I won most of the fights. When I stood up, and told them that I didn’t care about getting killed, it stopped. You’ve got to be ruthless.”
“Well, Xena, I’m going to post this with your permission, hoping that your account will help the public to understand the prison-rape problem. Thanks for sharing such personal information.”
“You’re welcome.”
She-Ra is one of my prison friends in my new book, Prison Time.
Click here to read about the prisoners at this blog who range from Mafia hit men to giant transsexuals.
Shaun Attwood
Copyright © 2004-2005 Shaun P. Attwood
