From Two Tonys (Letter 9)

Two Tonys - A whacker of men and Mafia associate serving multiple life sentences for murders and violent crimes. Left bodies from Tucson to Alaska, but claims all his victims "had it coming." Recently diagnosed with liver cancer, and is in chemotherapy fighting to prolong his life.

1-20-09

Hey Shaun & The Blog Readers,

With all sincerity, I want to thank all of the bloggers who took the time to not only think of Two Tonys, but to sit down and throw an encouraging blog comment at him. It helped. That’s no bullshit. I never expected that. Wow! Do I have that coming?

OK. Took some time off but I had to do some pondering. Here are a few things that I’ve been pondering. I’m on some serious meds. They’re highly toxic. Real cell killers. Bad. I’m told they’ll kill a good cell if it interferes or tries to get in the way of a bad cell’s mission. So I get sick, do some puke, and bingo, I’m a new man.

I feel real good about the blog and all of the encouragement. I like you folks. I don’t want no sympathy. Like I told a friend who comes by every day to give me that poor-old-Two-Tonys crap: “What can I do? What do you need?” I mean every day! Finally I told him, “Fuck all the bullshit! Talk shit to me! Try to pick a fight, but don’t talk shit about my liver. I love my liver, and holes or no holes, don’t fuck with it!” Now he’s come undone. I’ve got some serious gold in my teeth. Now he’s asking for my gold upon my demise. Fuck it! It’s to the victor go the spoils. First there before the hearse driver gets what he can pry out. But I better be dead. Joke.

I’m sending you my Dr.’s report. They tell me this type of cancer is more common in Europe, Asia and Africa. I can’t tell, but check it out and give me your thoughts.

Principal Diagnosis: Hepatocellular carcinoma

A CT scan revealed a moderate degree of hepatomegaly. A diffusely infiltrating mass was seen replacing the entire left lobe of the liver in both the medial and lateral segments. Patchy areas of hypervascular nodular enlargement were also seen through the right lobe of the liver, measuring from 3mm up to 12mm. An enhancing tumor thrombus extending into the left portal vein and into the right main portal vein were also noted. The radiological diagnosis was that of a diffuse infiltrative and multicentric hepatocellular carcinoma with portal invasion.

The patient entered the hospital for beginning treatment with sorafenib (Nexavar). At the time of discharge he is on 400 mg p.o. twice a day. Metropol will be added to his regimen of captopril and verapamil. It is important that he not miss any doses of sorafenib, as we would lose some ground in treatment.

Can anyone get me some info on this chemo drug they got me on called Nexavar? It’s toxic as hell. This is not to cure me. It’s just to try to stretch it out and get me a few more months. Dr. said he gives me 90 days without it. Maybe 9 months to a year with it. So let’s go for it! But I’ve got a feeling when it comes, it’s going to come hard and fast.

When I said this thing I got ain’t no thing, I lied. My machismo popped up. That was my tough guy talking. It is a thing. Those folks that wrote about me and it, I wish I could take them all out for a cold beer, ham sandwich and a game of pool. But the best I can do is say thanks. The nurses tell me the time will come when I’ll have to make a choice between quality of life and quantity of life, referring to this chemo poison and my choice to continue. Well, a lot of folks just upped my quality of life. Thanks! When I read your comments, they almost brought a tear to my old red eyes, but I thought it off and it was hard. I tell myself tough guys don’t cry, even when they’re by themselves. But we all know that’s bullshit. We all cry. But you must never cry about the hand you are dealt in the game of life, because like Ol’ Blue Eyes sang, “That’s life.”

The last I checked we were all dying, so enough of the sad shit. It’s back to Jon’s Jail Journal. Back to adventures, and exploits. Let’s go for shits, and giggles, and satire. You want me to keep writing, so let’s go for it! Stay tuned.

Click here to read Two Tonys’ previous letter.

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Email comments for Two Tonys to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

7 comments:

Dan said...

I’ve been reading this blog for years now but never really commented, i’ve always found your letters the most entertaining. Your stories/observations combined with wit, intelligence and fantastic honestly have had me utterly shocked one moment, and in absolute stitches the next.

I was absolutely gutted to hear what you are having to go through. I’ve heard these drugs can be a proper shitstorm but we are all rooting for you and if anyone can make cancer look like a muppet you can!

Anonymous said...

Fuck me, Two Tonys. I've been putting off writing a real live letter to you because the letter is too hard to write. Because of my history with cancer, I'm not sure I'll ever write that letter. That's just honesty. But I'm thinking about you.

I used to tell myself that today, this very day, somewhere in this world someone is going to make a miraculous, doctor-stupefying, against-all-odds recovery from cancer. That could be you. No matter where your journey is taking you, remember to hope for the best; you've got enough to fight without fighting your own mind. Keep your spirits up, TT, we're all thinking of you.

mjk

Anonymous said...

hey tt.its me tarryn.i just wantd 2 say this.u gona make it.thats true.as i sed before no cancer gona take u out.God bles.oh and that drug is vewi strong.its just actualy to ease the pain and give u extra time.il give you the doctors version of what it does soon.its gona make you vewi sick.all cancer meds do dat.tarryn.and be sure not to hurt yourself cause ders no healthy or bad cells left in your bod.that can lead to a major infection.til i read bout u again.

Anonymous said...

Good to see you are still tickin' Double T. We've been missing you here lately. Stay up and drop us a damn kite every once in a while. Shoot, you ain't dead yet! :)

-Jose in San Diego

Anonymous said...

I've never known anyone with cancer, so the right words to say - I have no idea what they are. But I'm glad to hear that you are motivated to keep writing. Those words will be around for a long time - hopefully forever.

This is why I'm so adament about scrapbooks for my kids and thousands of pictures, and captions, and history - so that when I'm eventually gone my story, or, OUR story, lives on.

Tears are good and cleansing, and leave you stronger than how you were before.

We all are DEFINITELY thinking about you...

Cindy in CO

Anonymous said...

TT -- Thanks for writing us even though you feel like doo doo from the nexavar.
I'm staying tuned for your next installation! Love your stuff, man.

--D

Anonymous said...

Hi Two Tonys,
I've followed Jon's Jail Journal for a long time, and I always been heartened by the humanity that you've shown, a humanity stronger than that often exhibited by many on the outside.

Your fight with cancer prompts me to write for the first time, as it strikes close to home. I'm a medical scientist looking for improved ways to treat cancer, but currently we don't have much of a clue beyond the noxious set of poisons they're giving you. For the little it's worth, please accept my apologies for our lack of progress. Your respect for yourself and the human condition may be the best medicine you can get (though stick with the chemo too). Good luck and God be with you.