The Bearded Lady of Guildford

I recently befriended the Bearded Lady of Guildford. Her name is Brenda. I thought the pictures of her on the Internet were hoaxes, but they are not. She is a genuine old bearded lady like you used to see at circuses. The last of a dying breed. I found her sitting on a bench in Guildford town centre across the street from Debenhams. She has a confident personality and seems really at one with the beard. She smiled and said, “Have I?” when I told her about her growing Internet following and 2000 MySpace friends. She disclosed she neither has a computer, nor goes on the Internet. I’ve only met her two times, but she has agreed to chat again, so I’ll add more about her to this blog entry as I get to know her better.

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11 Apr 09

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I've chatted with Brenda two more times now, including introducing her to my girlfriend, Kathi. She generally sits in the food court on the upper floor of the Friary Centre in Guildford, tucked away on a back table in the area next to the smoothie stall. Go there late morning to early afternoon if you'd like to meet her.

Originally from the Midlands, Brenda lives in Guildford at a friend's house. She claims to be a lone wolf, having no friends and she likes it that way. She enjoys reading romance books and watching movies such as The Adams Family.

My circus friends asked me to find out if Brenda would like to go on stage. I didn't think so, and I feared insulting her when I asked her. She said she would not like to go on stage, and she was not interested in making money. Brenda appears to be comfortable with who she is. My impression is she just likes sitting in the town centre, meditating on the world going by. She is approachable, and easy to talk to. I urge the people taking pictures and videos of her on the sly to make an effort to say hello and to get to know more about her as a person.

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1 May 09

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I sat with Brenda, and asked her what she had been up to of late. She said reading comic books. I asked which ones, and she said The Dandy and The Beano. A Chinese circus had recently been to Guildford, so I asked her if she'd seen it. She said no, and that she wouldn't like to. I asked her if she'd made any friends recently. She said she has no friends whatsoever, and she never has. She added that when people seek her out and talk to her, it makes her mind go blank, and she can barely remember such occasions. On the subject of foreign travel, she said, "Why travel? It's the same everywhere." She has never been north of the Midlands or south of Guildford. I pointed out that people travel to enjoy cultural differences, and she said, "People are all the same." Her eyes glittered when she said this as if she were imparting some deep philosphical wisdom. Compared to the Bearded Lady of Guildford, maybe we are all of the same.

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8 Oct 09

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After weeks of roaming the streets of Guildford in search of the bearded one, I found her on one of the benches by Sainsbury's: a local hotspot for winos. Brenda was sporting sparkling topaz earring studs, a whopping silver nose ring, and a bright-red coat that coordinated perfectly with her lipstick.

On the subject of why she ended up in Guildford, Brenda said she moved to London in her younger days, but London was too crowded, so she settled here.

Contradicting her earlier claim of never having left England, she confessed to visiting Austria when she was 28, but has no idea why she went there.

I quizzed Brenda about her food and drink preferences. Roast beef is her favourite meal, and she is partial to shepherd's pie. She prefers traditional English meals, nothing exotic or spicy like curry. Alcoholwise, she likes Foster's Lager and nothing hardcore like spirits. She doesn't cook herself anything special for Christmas. "It's over in a day," she said. She has no family members or friends to share Christmas with, and claims she doesn't mind. Does she like chocolate? Yes. Her eyes lit up when I told her my girlfriend would bring her some from Germany.

Brenda said she enjoys Harry Potter books and movies, and anything with Audrey Hepburn in it.

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5 May 10
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I was just at McDonald's in the Friary Centre with Brenda. For twenty minutes, she stared at the menu on the wall, while eager-to-be-served customers swarmed around us. Every two minutes, the staff asked her if she knew what she wanted, and she replied, "I haven't made my mind up yet." She just stood there like a statue in the thick of the chaos. It was as if the pictures of Big Macs and Happy Meals had put her in a trance.
"Do you eat here often?" I asked her.
"Sometimes."
"Where else do you eat?"
"Nowhere."
Brenda chastised me for only ordering a smoothie, and not getting some food down me, and she laughed when I told her I only eat fruit and nuts all day. Brenda tends to contradict herself, and this time was no exception: when asked about her food preferences, she said she likes mild curry.
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28 Sep 10
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Brenda was sat at Guildford train station. The commuters streaming by were slowing down to take a look at her; their eyes widening as if having difficulty catergorising what they were seeing.
"Going to London?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Getting the train somewhere?"
"No." She smiled as if the question were absurd.
I clocked on: Brenda was going nowhere in a place people were coming from all over to go somewhere.
"I've brought a copy of my book," I said, extracting Hard Time from my briefcase.
Brenda studied the cockroaches on the cover.
"Do you want to read it?" I asked.
"I haven't decided yet."
I took the book back, and dashed for my train.
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Click here for a video of me and Brenda (scroll down the blog until you see the image of me and Brenda) 

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Click here for Brenda’s MySpace page.

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Shaun Attwood