Shit Slingers I (The Early Years Part 2 by Polish Avenger)

Polish Avenger – A software-engineering undergraduate sentenced to 25 years because his friend was shot dead during a burglary they were committing. In Arizona, if a burglar gets killed, the accomplices can get 25-year sentences.

Picking up from part 1, we saw that I’d been hired as a Biohazard Porter. At the time it hadn’t really sunk in that there were five of us. That meant there were frequent and large enough spills of poop, blood, urine and phlegm to actually justify a five-man mop-up crew.

And yes…there was. And then some!

So the question naturally comes to mind: just where was all that gooey organic matter coming from? And why? This was a supermaximum prison after all, where you hardly ever got out of your cell to even make a mess. The source of all these biodegradable stink cookies was a particularly nasty subculture of the prison community known as “shit slingers.”

Shit slinger: the name is appropriate. Note the similarity to gun slinger; a high degree of skill and creativity is implied – no animalistic poop flings here! No, we had certified Masters of Weaponized Fecal Distribution. Truly the cutting edge of Defecatory Ballistic Science. To be sure it was a veritable think tank – nay, stink tank – of methods to douse one’s enemies in a thick layer of drippy infectious ooze.

What’s that? It was deliberate, you ask? Most assuredly! Since it was ultra-lockdown, the usual methods of conflict resolution (beating, stabbing, etc.) were very seldom an option. How do you assault someone from behind a steel mesh door? You got it – liquid poop soup!

Here’s the official recipe shit slingers use:

Ingredients

1 empty shampoo bottle, 16 oz
1 ballpoint pen tube (the outer part)
1 plastic spoon or other stirrer – disposable!
1 razor blade or nail clippers
tape (optional but recommended)
large amount of poo – adjust to taste

1) Defecate liberally into container of your choosing (baggie, floor… hell, even the toilet, if you’re into that sort of thing!) When enough has accumulated, carefully hand pack into shampoo bottle. Add a dash of water. With spoon or stirrer, whip into a smooth frappé. Set aside.

2) With razor or clippers, make an X-shaped cut in the cap of the shampoo bottle. Jam the pen tube quarter of the way through. Seal with tape if available.

3) Screw the cap on. You now have a Dookie Uzi.

4) Point the pen barrel out of the mesh at the front of the cell, take aim, and forcefully squeeze. You can easily get a solid stream to 30 feet away with great accuracy.
Hint: For added ick factor, let the poop sit for a couple of weeks until mold forms on the top. It’s really infectious then!

OK, OK, I hear you shouting at me: PA, are you serious? Surely no one in their right mind would build such a diabolical and degrading weapon of ass destruction! Sigh. If only I were making it up. No, friends, it is all too real in prison. These fellows were not in their right mind! And I cleaned up after hundreds of such devices.

In the next post we’ll explore just why somebody would go and do such an impolite act.

DISCLAIMER: I in no way encourage or condone drenching anyone in fecal matter. I’m just a historian!

Click here for “The Early Years Part 1” by Polish Avenger

Click here to read why Polish Avenger is in prison

Click here for Question Time with Polish Avenger

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Post comments and questions for Polish Avenger below or email them to writeinside@hotmail.com To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun Attwood

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow, dude, its hard to believe these people exist, shit that sprays 30 feet, my god!

Ghost

Jon said...

It gets far worse than this. Some of them make darts and blow pipes, and put the excrement on the dart. If the dart pierces your skin and the excrement gets in your blood stream, it can mess you up. And a lot of them have diseases such as hepititis C.

Manolo said...

Excellent post, even though it made me a little weazy. Looking forward to your next one PA!

Anonymous said...

I agree this is some good shit :) The PA is realing starting to show his writing strength now. I'm looking forward to the next one too.

Anonymous said...

Brother told me about this. I wouldn't want to be in that situation - whether cleaning up shit (did that for community service, and yes, it is impossible to remove from cinderblocks) or being in a position where I felt I had to fling some.

That said, it's funny. You'd have to see my brother narrate it tho.

Here I guess the ad. seg. dudes get a shower that only has grating between stalls for visibility; seems that when dudes go do shower time, they take out their frustrations on each other with handfuls of crap. So there you are scrubbing down and get shit splashing through the grate and Pookie a stall over going "AAAAAHHHHH, bitch!"

Yay for conflict resolution.

leigh said...

PA, would you say that those who sling might be of the same inclination on the streets as well as behind bars or that this is something they would only do while behind bars? i ask because i have experienced what i would say is more than my fair share of encounters with slingers.

after my soph. year at college i worked in a suburban video store where we once had an incident in which someone visited the bathroom and flung poo everywhere--- ceiling, walls, floor, door, mirror EVERYWHERE! that was my first experience with a slinger. flash forward a couple of years and while working at a coffee shop i was made aware of a fellow who was not allowed to use the restroom. this was because he had (and after sneaking in would again) done the flinging of poo EVERYWHERE in the bathroom at the coffee shop.

while working in the courts i had a guy go on a bathroom break and return having kept a handful to later throw at the judge. a friend who worked in a department store told me a woman pooped in a fitting room seat. and once after visiting at a prison i went to wash my hands and came across a gigantic pile of poo in the floor of the ladies' room.

it seems like the slingers inside have really perfected their methods. would you say some of the outside slinging reflects an overall tendency of people to sling OR that it is a separate set of trends inside that results from a need to utilize the supplies available? in short, is the same group slinging poo on the outside as on the inside or are those who sling poo inside doing so because it is available?

and Shaun, what can you tell us of poo slinging in the UK? and i wonder if it is a male thing or if it is common amongst incarcerated females, too...

Jon said...

leigh,

i'm not up to date on the habits of poo slingers in UK institutions, but i will refer the question to some ex UK inmates and post their responses here...

shaun

Anonymous said...

im sure that shit slinging goes on in uk prisons but i was lucky enough not to to see it.

charlie (ex uk prisoner)

Anonymous said...

shaun im glad taht you have brought up hepc.Ive asked for my son to have a pardon.the state of az needs to step up to the plate

julie acklin

leigh said...

thanks for the poo research shaun!