2 Jan 05

Farewell Mum & Dad

It is 3.09 pm, fifteen minutes after the final visit with my parents. My angst began when I gave them goodbye hugs. During the final minutes with my parents, I felt miserable for breaking their hearts by putting myself behind bars; I felt guilty seeing my mother weep as she departed the visitation room; I felt ashamed for failing those who raised me and stood by me no matter what I have done: I considered myself blessed for having their support when so many of my neighbours receive no help from beyond the prison walls.I was most conscience-stricken by my mother’s tearful eyes; an unproud image now permanently carved into my subconscious. My father put on a brave face by bantering and jesting, but his body language betrayed his vocal masquerade; his smile was surrounded by quivering facial expressions, and those windows of truth, his eyes, shone with unconcealable sadness.It is stomach-turning to realise that my parents, my pillars of strength and support, are victims of my wrongdoing. If I could have shielded them from this hurt I would have moved mountains to do so.This year I shall try harder to make amends and to outdo all of my previous accomplishments. By channelling my passion and energy relentlessly from my cell, I hope to repel the lingering tempest troubling my heart. Years of bondage cannot contain the enormity of my love-inspired drive that knows no fetters or chains. I am hopeful that my achievements thus far are a mere fraction of what’s in store, and that my parents will be proud of their prodigal son’s turnaround.

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7 comments:

Anonymous said...

..... you know, that brought me to tears, seriously! I'm sure I won't be the only one that it has that effect on. Whoever said that hindsight is 20/20 wasn't wrong! I wrote to Shaun as I said I would, I'll be in touch. Take care,
Luv, Lorraine

Anonymous said...

I’ve not written to you before Jon, but I’m a friend of your mother’s. We went on a hike up Conway Mountain just before Christmas. I’ve always been an avid reader of your blog and I think it’s fantastic. Your latest, about the visit, made me cry. Your mum, and you and the family are in my prayers every night. I recommend that you read John Keegan for one of your military studies authors! Very clear, informative, exceptionally well-written, and un-biased.
Good luck with your New Year resolutions!
Julia Edwards

Anonymous said...

Hi Jon,I just stumbled across your blog when I was researching Books to Prisoners programs. Lucky for me there is one right here in(Massachusetts) that I can volunteer at.
You seem to have a positive attitude, and your thirst for knowledge is incredible! I enjoyed reading the ol' blog.
How often do you have internet access? And who is your favorite author?
Well, I just wanted to say hello and hang in there!
Angie

Jon said...

Hi Angie, unfortunately, I do not have access to computers or Internet Access. I write the blogs by hand with my BIC pen, send them in the mail to my parents and they type them up. They forward all emails and comments to me and I reply to them all but it takes time. If you want to write to me direct I'd be pleased to hear from you and my address is on the blog. Thanks again, Jon

Anonymous said...

For once I'm stuck for something to say - just left thinking and trying to imagine. Good luck with the resolutions. Keep strong, with your parents love and support this will be made easier.
Luv
Chels

Anonymous said...

Jon- This is the post I've been waiting for! I've been reading your blog for a while now and I think this is one of the first posts that show you have some remorse for how you ended up where you are. I think you have come a long way and the journey you are taking is helping you to become a better person.
What are your plans for when you are released? What do you think you'd be doing right now if you hadn't been caught/convicted?
I bid you peace-
Trevor

Anonymous said...

Hi Jon,I am sure knowing mum and dad they were only sad at leaving you and not knowing when they could hug you again, not because they are not proud of you,ok you did
something and now paying the price, but you made them very proud of you in all the previous years, just concentrate on the end of your sentence and being
together again.
Thinking of you
Love Brenda