3 March 05

Anal Virginity Threats: George Reads Frankie’s Love Letter
(Threat level: medium and rising)

I told George about Frankie's letter. George demanded to see it.
“Uh…he calls you Englandman, eh?,"George said,"I don’t know, Englandman, if he managed to get a letter into here, into your sandwich, without a trace, I’d say he’s pretty serious buddy. He’s hunting for bear.”
“Hunting for bear, George?”
“And a little British bear, I believe.”
“I’m not worried. He might not even be sent here.”
“This is pretty serious stuff. What on earth did you say to him?”
“Nothing.”
“Perhaps you were practising your Spanish on him and it didn’t turn out very well.”
“I hope not.”
“Perhaps you said pass the choriso [sausage] and that flipped his switch.”
I laughed.
“As one gay man judging another I believe that if he ends up on this yard, you may need some protection.”
“Protection! For what?”
“Because he might want to ride your Hershey Highway.”
“My Hershey Highway! What the bloody hell is a Hersey Highway, George?"
“Your gluteus maximus.”
“Not anus maximus?
“Anus is not maximus unless you have sphincter problems.”
"I’m lost, am I detecting a bit of jealousy over Frankie, Jeeves?”
“Hell yeah! I don’t ever get to see Mr. Willy and he gets to ride the Hershey Highway. I don’t think so!”
“Well, its not like I wanna give it up to him.”
“I hope not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone lick the willy instead of cramming his dick in your ass.”
“Neither!”
“But you’re gonna end up with one or the other playing with people’s emotions like you do.”
“I haven’t promised anyone anything.”
“Evidently you have. Getting a message in your sandwich from someone who’s in another prison is pretty serious…we’re talkin’ pretty fucking serious! This guy knows what he’s doing and he must have plenty of help.”
“He may be kidding?”
“No this is beyond kidding, its…its…its…love!”
“Ha ha!”
“You may be laughing now but when his dick is in your ass you’re gonna be singing a different tune.”
“So how do I get out of this?”
“As soon as you see him you need to tell him, ‘I’ve found somebody else. You’re too late'.”
“I’ve found someone else! Are you bananas? What if he doesn’t accept that.”
“You may want to phone the British Embassy and tell them to mail you some prophylactics in a diplomatic pouch.”
“George, surely there are other ways to handle this situation?”
“As serious as he is, I doubt it. You need rubbers so that when his dick is in your ass you don’t get any diseases or become pregnant. Accept your fate.”
“Accept my fate! That’s not very helpful advice, Jeeves.”
“Accept your fate and don’t encourage him anymore.”
“Is that the best you can come up with?”
“Yes, and I’m off to clean up now, so tallyho, Englandman.”
“Toodle-oo, Jeeves.”