23 November

Bleeding Eyeball (Part 2)

Just when I had abandoned all hope of the doctor ever seeing my eye, I was called to the Health Unit.
Soon, I thought, I'll have the doctor's diagnosis and I'll know what is what.
Expecting to be greeted by the doctor, I swaggered into the Health Unit. But both the doctor and regular nurse were absent.
"Why are you here?" a Chicano nurse said.
"The nurse said my eyeball's bleeding and I'd be called to see the doctor."
"Let me see."
I stretched the skin away from my eye.
"It's...not...bleeding...exactly," he said in a slow voice as if he were falling asleep.
"Huh?" I said.
He read the latest entry in my medical file, and said,"Did you get the eye drops?"
"What eye drops?"
"You were supposed to get eye drops but it looks like the order wasn't processed. The nurse isn't back till Tuesday, so I'll reschedule you to see her on Tuesday, OK?"
"What about scheduling me to see the doctor?"
"He's not here and I don't know what the nurse wants to do with you."
"I'm confused. The nurse said my eyeball's bleeding and I might have to see the doctor. Now you're telling me it's not bleeding exactly. I'd like to know what not bleeding exactly means and what's causing the redness of my eyeball?"
"Let me see."
He stared at my eye again. "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like irritation...perhaps."
Was, I thought, I causing him irritation, perhaps.
"It doesn't look too bad...at least...nothing that should cause you to lose your sight."
Convinced that nothing good was going to come from furthering the conversation, I said,"OK, thanks for your help."

At lunch, I explained what had happened to Shane and Weird Al.
"His eyeball's not exactly bleeding, perhaps." Shane said.
"My shit doesn't exactly smell bad, perhaps."Weird Al said.
"The US justice system doesn't exactly work right, perhaps," Shane said.
"Orange isn't exactly my favourite colour, perhaps," Weird Al said.
"Alright fellas, that's enough exactlies and perhapses for today," I said, sensing they were itching to get many more out.
"The US didn't exactly bomb Nagasaki, perhaps." Weird Al said.
"Perhaps he meant it's not exactly bleeding in the context of where he's from. Maybe he's used to seeing eyeballs squirting blood," Shane said.
"Don't worry, I've heard that DOC Medical has acquiesced to British demands for eye care by enlisting an illegal alien Mexican to hand paint a rock eyeball. It should be very lifelike," Weird Al said.
"In the meantime we can use egg whites, switching them when they start to smell really bad," Shane said.
"You might as well give up studying Chinese. You'll be blind before you ever master the language," Weird Al said.
"Very funny," I said.
"Are your parents training a seeing-eye dog for when you get home?" Weird Al said.
"I'll put them on that right away," I said.
"I'd also like to recommend that you walk to the chow hall with your eyes closed counting the steps, so you don't get lost when you go blind - which should be anytime soon," Weird Al said.
"You guys are terrible," I said.
"Getting medical service in here is terrible," Shane said.
"He's right, haven't you seen the tombstones at the prisoner graveyard in Florence?
The epitaphs read: I told you I was sick" Weird Al said.

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Copyright © 2004-2005 Shaun P. Attwood

5 comments:

Tony said...

"'I told you I was sick"

Was that literary licence, or does Weird Al really know what Spike Milligan has written on his grave stone?

VO form filled and posted. Only waiting on a reply getting to you.

Have as good a Chrimbo as you can and enjoy seeing your parents.

Anonymous said...

I just finished reading your sisters article and just wanted to wish you all the best in recieving satisfactory justice. Your spirit is inspirational and you truly possess a talent for writing if you can find good humour in conditions such as yours. good luck with the eye if it falls out at least you have another to watch it happen...... sorry! Take care merry christmas.

Anonymous said...

I also just finished reading your sisters article and you are insporational to remain so upbeat and have a great writing talent.
good luck with everything and take care.
merry christmas.

Anonymous said...

Feels weird to be saying the same as two others, but i read your sisters article in Cosmopolitan..im thinking many people will be shocked to find how much you've been through-i know i am..
i just wanted to say although your sister didnt say exactly how long it has been for you, youve done incredibly well just lasting this long.
Keep it up, and i wish you all the best. Have the best possible christmas.

Anonymous said...

Hey your funny, which seems to be no easy thing in that place. At least you can do a Jeffrey Archer when you get out, make some millions.