10 Jan 06

Prison Boyfriend

For my heart’s sake, I haven’t called Claudia for almost a year. I call her dad weekly, and recently she answered his phone.

From observing prisoners in relationships, it seems that the lot of the prison boyfriend is often a miserable one. His happiness hinges on her fickleness. The level of attention he receives from her is inversely proportional to the level of attention she is receiving from other men. The prison boyfriend is a boyfriend by default. When she lacks alternatives he is sought out. Her attention raises his self-esteem until she finds someone who can give her the things he cannot – and then he is crushed. For lack of love the prison boyfriend is drawn into this cycle over and over again.

Claudia asked me to call her. I can tell myself to call her as a friend, but when I speak to her, all kinds of feelings arise. Her voice, her laughter, her softness act like hooks pulling at my heart. At times like this, I wish my heart were made of steel.

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Copyright © 2006 Shaun P. Attwood

6 comments:

alexandra said...

Shaun, i read about you in Cosmopolitan magazine, and i'd like you to know that i wish you the best of luck and to tell you that you are in my prayers. even though you do not know me, i feel great compassion toward you and your situations. i find your optimism so inspiring and admire the help, support, and constant love of your family, especially your sister, karen. best wishes, and may god bless you.

Anonymous said...

Hello Shaun. I also just read the article in Cosmopolitan and was disgusted to find out how you have been treated in our (U.S.) prison system. Just because you have made a mistake does not mean that you should be treated as anything less than a human being. Thank you for allowing your story to be shared and for thereby opening my eyes to the situation.
You should be very proud of the strong man that you obviously are, and know that there are many who really love you out there. It sounds like you have obviously learned a lesson the hard way, but your life after you get out will be fuller for your knowing how valuable it is. I will be thinking of you and checking in on your blog from now on... I am also a book addict and will try to send you some reading materials soon.
Best of luck to you.
Lucy

Anonymous said...

It seems as though you still love Claudia but are afraid of getting hurt again. Maybe it'll work out for you both when you get relased. Good luck to you both
bless you
Martha

Anonymous said...

It makes me ever so sad to read about your love torn plights in prison. I hope you know how much you are loved from people on the outside and that it provides you some warmth in a very cold, dark place. I have learned that a lover's warmth can not be replaced by friends and family, but hopefully, it helps. I can't wait to see you and hope that you are equally as excited once we get everything sorted.

JMK

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate your honesty on this subject, the men that i have met on the inside thru the Parents in prison and also the " Inside/Out" have
never brought the topic up directly.
Indirectly it is comes out a great deal.It seems an extremely cruel and undue punishment for all and especially for those who begin in the system starting in thru
Juvenile incarceration and then sent to Adult Prison for over 10 yrs - and even those with +10 years to 25.
deborah

Hi-Fly said...

Dear Shaun. I just read about what you are going through. No one should ever have to go through this, and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My church and I in Canada are praying for you and your family. May the Lord keep you strong and always remember that there are angels watching over you. Keep your head high Shaun we are all thinking about you.
Brenna