From Xena (Letter 5)

Xena - A transsexual giant and Wiccan priest. The charismatic leader of Cult Of Xena (COX). Tattoos include a wasp on Xena’s penis and ant trails running up Xena’s legs. Cut off a testicle while in prison, and almost bled to death.

My Dear Friend Shaun,

I love and miss you! I hope that your new girlfriend is the one.

I have sworn off men, and now it seems I am very well hated in here. Ironic!

You are always on my mind. I have a little more than ten years left to do. Will you still be aware of me then? I hope so. I want to see you again. You changed my life dramatically, and when you left my life again was so bland. And now I feel the old anger and torment, which is a part of the prisoners’ deception of their likelihood, flowing back into my consciousness. I try to fight it. I have no friends in here to help me with the strain of its pull. I therefore must rely on memory of the one who knew how to live in here without becoming trapped by the sheer weight of time, and the pressure of its employees and other prisoners who look human yet under their skins lurk deformed atrocities, and whose purpose is to pick at the foundations of people’s faith and strength. I feel the temperament of pressure. It is heavy. It is cold, and yet I feel burned.

I am happy you are enjoying your life. I wish I could know freedom. I want to go swimming in a cold lake again, and to feel the shining of the sun on my skin afterward. The taste of honey dew and coconut with vanilla ice cream Yum! And I want you looking in my face, telling me I will be OK.

Love Xena ---XXX---

Click here for Xena’s previous letter.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments and questions for Xena to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood


Regenbluemchen said...

I am the one. :)

Greetings from the new girlfriend.


M2 said...

Aww, I wish I could give her a hug.

Gerald said...

Do you know if Xena's fully recovered from her DIY surgery?

Gerald said...

Do you still keep in touch with Royo girl?
Why is that do you think?
Did she end up moving to Melbourne?

Chris H said...

Excuse me if this seems crass - but bare with me.

Does Xena LOOK like a muscular woman, or is it relatively obvious that she used to be a man? Is the change legal?

The reason I ask is that recently a convicted sex offender (I think it was sex offender - I can't locate the original article) who began the process of a sex change before sentencing, was both allowed to continue the change and is now being moved to a WOMAN's prison.

Is this not something that Xena could have? Legally declared a woman - moved to a womans prison. Would this not put her more at ease and illiviate some of the anger?

Chris H

Jon said...


I'll put your comment to Xena, and see if she'll write a response.

Shaun Attwood

Anonymous said...

Wait, is that first post from Kat, the one indian T/S who was locked up with you? No disrepect Kat, just wondering. If it is Jon, you are owed a kiss if I recall! -Jose in San Diego

Jon said...

No, Jose, this Kat is Kathi in Germany.

Sue O. (aka Joannie, SS) said...

Yay Kathi! You tell 'em. I was watching "Shawshank Redemption" two nights ago, and what Xena wrote is so powerfully demonstrated visually in the movie. I love that film. The character of Brooks sums up what an institutional life can do, and the line at the end, "Either you're busy living or you're busy dying" says it all. Too easy to be busy dying in such a place-continue to draw, xena.

Chris H said...


Cheers mate - although I want it on record that I'm not insinuating that Xena's a sex offender, that was just that persons crime!

I think Xena's great and would never suggest that of her

Just for the record...

Chris H

Jon said...


As far as I know Royo Girl is still in America. I haven't heard from her in a while.

Shaun Attwood

Anonymous said... - Learn how to turn $500 into $5,000 in a month!

[url=]Make Money Online[/url] - The Secret Reveled with Binary Option

Binary Options is the way to [url=]make money[/url] securely online