Shit Slingers III (The Early Years Part 4 by Polish Avenger)

Polish Avenger – A software-engineering undergraduate sentenced to 25 years because his friend was shot dead during a burglary they were committing. In Arizona, if a burglar gets killed, the accomplices can get 25-year sentences.

Before I introduce you to Magnum (our alpha male-slinger) we’ll address a question submitted by Leigh about the behavioral mindset of those who fling poo: Do people only do it “inside”?

I’m sure formal psychological studies exist on this, although I haven’t personally read any. From stories by readers about befouled public areas (the fitting room scene made me choke with laughter!), it seems more common than we would like to think about.
At SMU [a supermaximum prison] an entire wing is dedicated to the criminally insane, and they’re among the highest percentage of those who sling “recreationally,” as opposed to malicious carpet bombing. I suspect that there’s a perverse delight in breaking such a basic hygiene and social taboo.

As a child, I recall being in a classy hotel’s men room and being seized with an incontrollable urge to dispense about a quart of liquid soap using the squirt nozzle. It flowed like amber lava down the marble counter and pooled on the floor. When the deed was done, I fetched my dad who was waiting outside.
I pointed at the mess, and exclaimed, “Look what someone did!”
He replied, “Some people are pigs!”
And indeed, I had a primal and animalistic joy at what I’d done. But I was about 7 at the time and grew out of that phase.

So yes, insofar as slinging is just being messy and/or leaving poo behind for someone else, that trait is definitely seen both inside and out. To cross the next line and deliberately hose someone down with it, however, appears to be of a darker mindset.
Anyone out there know of a conflict being resolved with Dookie Uzis? As far as I know, slinging on someone is generally confined to prison as a specialized form of assault. Most of the “tough guys” I know would have much rather gone the standard routes of beating and stabbing; only when those weren’t possible did they turn to the brown arts.

Two further points of interest – one, Leigh mentioned a giant pant-load in a ladies room. Yes, it seems likely that females share the sling gene. Later in my biohazard career, I met with similar horrors – we’ll get to those in a future post!
Two, Shaun’s description of poop-smeared darts. Those things are terrible! With nothing more than a rolled-up piece of writing paper, a sharpened paper clip or staple, and a pencil eraser, you can build a lovely little blowgun and totally screw up someone’s life.

I’m glad I don’t live in supermax anymore.

Our next few posts will chronicle the infamous Magnum – a real legend, this one!

Click here for Shit Slingers II.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Post comments and questions for Polish Avenger below or email them to To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun Attwood


Jon said...

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed how Polish Avenger's writing seems to have moved into its element in this series of blogs?

When I first read this blog, I laughed out load so many times. Look at the skill, originality, and comedy in expressions such as "turn to the brown arts."

We have a brilliant writer in the making here.

I've also read his next installment about Magnum, and this is some of the best stuff I've read. Anywhere.

Anonymous said...

yes, another great post by the Avenger!


Anonymous said...

News you should know: there was a minor riot outside Arpaio's office yesterday. A federal court struck down most of the Arizona papers please law, but he'd been such a vocal jerk about it (in the lead-up to the ruling, he announced that he was about to launch yet another kicking-down-doors illegal aliens sweep) that protestors mobbed his place, anyway. Which, of course, placed protestors in his jail, at least overnight.

leigh said...

thanks for sharing your (very nicely written) take on this! apparently the proper name for the behavior is "scatolia" and there is quite a lot of scholarly work on the subject! so it seems that this is both a phenomenon in those with mental issues as well as those who have what i guess you could say are limited resources like in prison...

and i do love the expression, "turn to the brown arts"

Anonymous said...


give some big props to Polish Avenger! That was hilarious and well written!