4th April 05


From my final session with Dr.B:

“You had success," Dr.B said,"and you learned that making money is not a panacea. Spending time with your family, reading a child a book, are more important than material things.”
“I agree, but I have an overwhelming desire to succeed. It's in my genes. Surely I can use my success to help my family, pay back the legal bills that I owe them. I can put the fruits of success to good use, philanthropically, helping the oppressed and exposing injustice. Or maybe I’m delusional?”
“You’re not delusional because in the past you have achieved everything that you’ve set your mind to. You were a top stockbroker, a successful day trader, and even prison hasn’t stopped your achievements.”
“So my ultimate goal of acquiring enough knowledge to conquer the stock market isn’t a product of megalomania?”
“I’ve questioned you to test for megalomania but you have viable answers carefully expressing how you will achieve your goals. You’re definitely not delusional. You are one of the most ambitious people that I have ever met, and even if you only achieve half of your goals, you’ll be doing very well. But will you ever be happy? Look at the Kennedys. Where did wealth get that family? How many of them died young? Wealth did not make them happy.”
“I want to be happy, but my will to succeed drives me relentlessly. In the future I will spend more time with my loved ones. They are the people who have been there for me throughout this ordeal.”
“You must see the trade off: the harder that you work, the less time you’ll be able to spend with your family.”

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Anonymous said...

Why are services which could help prisoners to rehabilitate constantly being cut? It is false economy and not the way to help prisoners understand themselves and why they have committed crimes.
It was obviously very beneficial to you to have the sessions with the shrink and it has enabled you to understand why you acted the way you did and what motivated you. Its a great pity that your talents are wasting away, but at least you have your writing to keep you focused.
Good luck in life,Jon, it can only get better
Paul UK

Anonymous said...

Hi Jon.

I've been reading your prison diaries since about the time you were moved from Cucaracha Paradise
I must state the not inconsiderable importance of what you're doing. The suburban public's knowledge of prisons and what goes on inside them is largely confined to what hyperbole Hollywood serves them.
I'm not saying that your role is that of some sort of independent undercover reporter unveiling some grand conspiracy, but simply that your writings can be a valuable insights into prison life, and how a relatively normal person can cope with its pressures.
Also, keep up the good work on exposing the ways and works of the "justice" system.