1 April 06

Bleeding Scrotum 2

During count, I sat down on the toilet and ripped the old Band-Aids off my scrotum. I applied the ointment and put new Band-Aids on.

At chow, I explained to my friends what had happened.
“Your story,” Weird Al said, “is meeting with considerable scepticism among inmates as to the alleged cause of the nutsack injury.”
“How vigorously were you scrubbing when the mole fell off?” Shane asked.
“I wasn’t scrubbing vigorously.”
“Your explanation ranks right up there with Dick Cheney’s quail hunt.”
“It seems,” Shane said, “you had a brain haemorrhage. You’ll probably get called to the psych now for suspicion of testicular self mutilation – an actual disorder: gender identity disorder.”
“How do you know about that disorder?” Weird Al asked Shane.
“'Cause I read about it.”
Yeah right,” Weird Al said. “Just like he behaves normally in the shower. If I had a blog, I’d put a rival story about Jon and a loofah on it. My story would guarantee that the British authorities would never allow him back in their country.”

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Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood


Anonymous said...

Health caution
Sudden and unexpected changes in skin moles (e.g. bleeding, irritation, darkening, sudden growth or change in shape) can be a sign of skin cancer, so monitoring for these factors is advised. If a mole appears suspicious, it can be biopsied and checked for signs of malignancy. Skin moles that appear to be suspect may be removed preemptively, which is usually performed using a local anaesthetic.

Anonymous said...

as a nurse in the jail system just wanted to let everyone know how difficult it is to assess fakers and the real thing, people that frequent jails often play the medical card, they have every symptom down pat, making it extremly difficult to do a job we were never trained for , liars and fakes waste the time of college graduates, and trained professionals to aide and administer care, the word con really comes into play when grown adults that blame everyone else for their own misfourtune, and at the cost of the taxpayer play the game poor me, im sick, (in other words i need a break and hospital food would taste good tonight) it is a weary game criminals play, at the expense of real people that actually get sick in jail.
a weary nurse