18 Jan 07

Midnight Resigns to Die

“So how did you end up in hospital?” I asked
“I just finished takin’ a piss,” Midnight said, “and my left leg went completely dead. I fell against the counter and cut my eye. They did an MRI and said my sciatic nerve is bein’ pinched. Then they sent me to House 9 for two days, and I demanded to leave there. They brought me back to here, but a captain and a sergeant got me and said, ‘We were told your life is in danger on Yard 1. How much money do you owe for drugs?’ I told 'em, 'I don’t owe nothin’ for drugs. I just owe two Honey Buns.’ They wanted to send me to lockdown, but I told 'em I wasn’t in any danger, so they had me sign a waiver sayin’ DOC isn’t responsible if I get hurt.”
“So have you been checking your stool for blood?”
“Yeah. It’s full of blood every day. I’m seein’ clots on the toilet paper now.”
“Did you tell Medical?”
“Yeah. They told me to put in a HNR. I ain’t doin’ that so they can charge me three dollars. Fuck 'em.”
“But it’s your life on the line.”
“I don’t care. I’m forty-two-years old. I’ve lived a good life. I’ll be outta here if I die, and I’ll never have to worry about comin’ back. I believe there’s another life out there as well as this one. As long as I don’t wake up in hell, I’ll be OK.”
“If you keep passing blood, you need to see someone.”
“I thought the blood was a one-time thing, but it’s been every day. The guy who told me to put a HNR in told me to get some gloves, put it in a plastic bag, be discreet, and bring it to Medical to be analysed. But I’m not doin’ that - it’s undignified carryin’ your fuckin’ crap across the yard. It goes in the toilet, and gets flushed. Who the hell wants to dig out their shit? I don't. Drop one, flush one. They’re crazy.”
“I understand your reluctance, but the longer you ride out the big C, the less chance of staying alive you have.”
“I don’t care enough to even talk to them about the cancer no more. They gimme stomach pills, I take 'em. They just want to charge, charge, charge me to go up there, and I work hard for my twenty cents an hour, so fuck 'em.”

Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood

Jon answers readers questions

2 comments:

AndrewM said...

All you can do is point out the ramifications of his inaction. Sounds like he's happy to go but does he realise how messy it's going to get?

You better tell him.

joannie said...

I wish I knew what the magic was to convince someone that life is worth living. I just heard a female inmate admit who is alcoholic admit the first thing she wants to do when she gets out is take a drink. The other women told her the next drink, the next hit, could always be the last. She has three children.