11 Jan 08
From Weird Al (Letter 1)
I hope this letter finds you safely nestled back amongst your loving family.
You did not get to say “toodle-oo” the day you left. As fate would have it, someone at Santa Rita was found dead sometime during the night, prior to your departure that morning, so we were locked down for a day or so. I believe it was some type of a drug overdose. A sad but unfortunate fact of life here, been one more since then.
Hopefully you are now on the dole, and ensconced in the garage (en suite of course!)
Take good care of your parents – time robs us of those we love, sometimes with no warning. Be good to them, Jon
Not much new here but I will tell you this: your timing was good – dorm living is not something you would likely care for.
I know this little note is not up to my usual sarcastic standards – I’ll save that for another time.
My prediction – in not too much time, all you went through here will seem like nothing more than a long, bad dream. In truth, that’s all it was.
Remember this, we seldom grow in the ways we need to during good times. It most often takes adversity to spur this needed growth. That’s always been the case with me.
I’ve not heard a thing from the governor here (clemency). Please contact the Queen and have Her Majesty put in a good word for me. Absent that, it looks like I’ll go home on July 10, 2008.
Anyway, Philosophical Al will sign off for now. Weird Al will garner his wits and make a magnanimous return.
Write if ya get a chance – if not, don’t worry about it. Get on with your life. I’ll be in touch once my fan club members storm the bastille here, free me, and place me in a position of importance equal to my prominent place within the community of intelligentsia, my stunning good looks and physical prowess, and of course my incommensurate modesty.
Take care of yourself!
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