23 June 08

Released Today: Weird Al

Weird Al - The most unlikely bank robber you are ever likely to meet. His true story of suicide by cop gives new meaning to the power of unchecked depression. His cutting wit would make a stoic monk giggle.

Weird Al wrote:


June 10, 2008

Dear Bloke,

Two cannibals were having dinner. They were eating a clown.
One of the cannibals suddenly stopped eating, put down his fork, and said to his flesh-eating buddy, “Does this taste funny to you?”

Just a quick note to say hello, and let you know that the State of Arizona, in a rare yet colossal and epileptic fit of unbridled wisdom, has graciously decided to unleash me on the unsuspecting public on June 23, 2008.

Almost immediately following my release from this fart-filled cancerous cave, I will begin hurling insults across the North Atlantic at a speed of approximately 250 megahertz via my newly-installed high-speed Internet connection.
Put on your verbal body armor. Forewarned is forearmed.

In the meanwhile, to keep myself pleasantly amused, I have begun to give all the staff here, as well as many of the prisoners, my unique version of what I like to call the “stink eye.”
It generally goes something like this:
They say, “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“I’m giving you the stink eye,” I reply.
“Why are ya doing that?” they ask.
“I usually ignore the question and say, “How does the stink eye make you feel?”
“Uncomfortable,” they say.
“Then my work here is finished,” I reply, and leave to find my next victim.
As you may recall, I’m easily amused.

Take care,

Weird Al

p.s. Say hi to your parents for me and also to Aunt Lily if you see or talk to her.

Later!


You can congratulate or slander Weird Al on his release by leaving a comment here. He has Internet access and shall be reading all of your comments.


Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2007-2008 Shaun P. Attwood

10 comments:

Jon said...

To the Esteemed Weird Al Robber of Banks,

Thanks for the heads up. It has motivated me to get a headstart on the business of hurling insults.

I truly hope your first day of freedom is as enjoyable as mine.
I also hope on your next visit to a bank, you present the teller a deposit slip and not a note saying you have a gun and you want all of her money.
And when your criminal tendencies spill over again, may I suggest that the next time you rob a bank you don't go to your local branch where everyone knows you.

Good luck, my friend.

Shaun Attwood

ps) Shane and Iron Man said the first thing you want to buy when you get out is a chin dildo. What's all that about?

Anonymous said...

Many thanks Al, for your friendship and support to Jon during his time out there in the desert. Good luck for the future.
Jon's Mum & Dad

Chris said...

Al,

Good luck matey. I'm sure you'll be the absolute model of decency now you're out.......... ish!

What are your plans, other than the verbal assassination of Shaun?

Hugs and kisses,

Chris H

joannie said...

Good-this blog needs a verbal shakedown!!! Glad you are out-make the most of it. I mean in the right way, LOL....sort of. I liked the clown joke. Here's one for you, Cannibal Jeopardy-the answer is, "We're having friends for dinner"-what's the question?

Anonymous said...

Good luck, Al!

Stick to online banking from now on.

Ghost

greatsnake said...

congratulations on your release.
hope you'll set up your own blog soon.

Anonymous said...

Wierd Al,

Grab yourself an extra large pepperoni pizza and a large coke. Then head on down to McDonald's. Then on over to your local Taco shop and order the biggest burrito alive. Next, find a Chinese restaurant. Then, find a Dennys for breakfast. And when you are all finished, you should weigh about 10 more pounds in 2 days just like I did when I got out.

ENJOY FOOD AGAIN! Cheers and congrats!

-Jose in San Diego.

Anonymous said...

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the woods?
Good luck Weird Al.

Sue said...

Congratulations Weird Al!
I hope we don't hear you're back inside any time soon :)

Now go forth, enjoy yourself and enjoy your freedom.

Anonymous said...

I hope that all works out for you and able to live an honest life.
Terry B