04 Dec 08

There’s Some Shit a Man Ain’t Meant to See (by Warrior)

Warrior - Serving fourteen years for kidnapping and aggravated assault. Half Hispanic and Scottish-Irish with family still in Mexico. Brought up by a family steeped in drug commerce.

Standing in front of my cell, having come off work, I waved to the female control officer to open my door. I hadn’t really noticed her until that day. She was a lot better looking than the masculine C.O.’s I was used to. In prison, you learn to appreciate every variety of the female species.

She popped my cell open. I entered and locked my door.
City Boy was lying on his bunk, TV on, but engrossed in a book: Terry Goodkind’s Temple of the Winds.
I sat on the steel desk, resting my feet on the accompanying steel stool, and began to relay the day’s events.
“Off work early, huh?” City said.
“Yeah, but I gotta tell you some shit,” I replied.
“Oh yeah?” City sat up, giving his full attention to what I was about to say.
“Check this out. I’m at work, right. My boss sends me around the corner to the walk-in fridge to get some shit. I can’t even remember what the fuck I was supposed to get ’cause the shit I walked in on just threw me through a loop. Guess what I saw?”
“Ah, shit, man. What the fuck did ya see?”
“I’ll give you a hint. There are some things a man shouldn’t see. Guess?”
“Fuck you, man! Jus’ spit the shit out.”
“OK, OK, I’m stallin’, right. Thinkin’ nuthin’ much, I reach the walk-in, open the door, and see Joe and Alexis straight fuckin’ kissin’.” Alexis’ real name was Alex. “What! Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”
“No bullshit, man! And it wasn’t no peck-type shit. Like that shit matters. These two had their tongues buried deep down each other’s throats. The cold shit is, these two didn’t stop. They jus’ kept at it like I wasn’t there.”
“What kind of sick twisted shit is that? I knew that motherfucker got turned out by Alexis! Fuckin’ knew it! Didn’t I tell you I caught them two givin’ each other come-fuck-me eyes?” Roaring with laughter, City Boy clapped his hands. “I’m gonna give Joe so much shit!” City Boy had a twisted sense of humor. He took pleasure in torturing guys with mean jokes that almost crossed the line to where they’d want to fight, but they never did. He loved to test a man’s resolve.
“That ain’t all, man. Alexis was sittin’ on top of some crates, Joe was in front of him with Alexis’ legs wrapped around him like a chick. You’d swear that these two were at the park or some shit. I wasn’t the one kissin’ that fag, yet I felt dirty. Man, I tell ya, there’s some shit a man ain’t meant to see.”
“Hey, man, that dirty feeling is a good thing, brother. It tells you, you still all man.”
I laughed. “Hell, yeah. Good observation.”
“I’ll never understand that shit. Some cats do dope, some clique up with the gangs, some get a fag. I don’t know about the resta these cats here, but I’d rather take another twelve stickings than one stab from another man’s tongue.” City lifted his shirt to display the seven-inch surgery scar in the center of his stomach along with the twelve surrounding stab wounds.
“I hear that, bro. You know though, dudes get lonely and are susceptible to that shit. But wait, doesn’t Joe have a chick that comes to see him?”
“Lonely my ass!” City said. “I’m lonely but you don’t see me chasing some queer. He does have a chick too. She comes to see him every week, sends him money, looks out for his sorry ass.”
“Damn, that’s crazy. Alexis ain’t no slouch. I hear that motherfucker got an I.Q. of 180 or 200. That fucker knows how to prey on a fool. Besides, back in 2000, in The Walls, that fucker chopped his dick and balls off you know.”
“Oh yeah? I heard that shit. I didn’t know if it was true or not.” City said.
“Yeah, that fucker’s a eunuch,” I said. “No dick. Sportin’ a straight Rottweiler tail. You gotta be twisted to cut your own dick off. That fucker’s got more courage than me. Then he flushed that shit down the toilet.”
“Whoa! Fuckin’ A.”
“A crazy world we live in here, huh, dawg?” I said.
“Yeah, bro. We ain’t doin’ life, so we one of the lucky ones,” City said.
“Next time I walk in on them kissin’, maybe they’ll shave first. All that facial friction from stubble had me thinkin’ the were gonna spark a fire.”

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Shaun P. Attwood


Anonymous said...

I just clicked on translator for fun.. French - computer translation is fantastic- made the text more twisted than the original ..."What the fuck..became what I fucked !"

I had wonderful laughs! and I'm still reading and trying to figure how I would put it in my own words.

Cat Eyes

Anonymous said...

are homosexual relationships the norm or unusual in prison?


Anonymous said...

in prison life, dudes shacking up with each other happens if the people are gay or if its a young gay or weak individual looking to get a daddy to watch over them. the kid will do sexual favors and other things for the inmate who is claiming them as their own. many times in these scenarios, the punk or kid in question gets turned out after being used up. its against the laws of some of the gangs in prison to have homosexual activity and can get you beat down or killed. how many guys go in straight that mess around with other guys?, couldnt say, but it happens.

Anonymous said...


Thought you might be interested.

Sam Spade