24 Oct 2006

Family Visits (Part 4)

“Is bling big in England?” I asked.
“Our Jenny always wears bling,” Auntie Lily said. “She likes her bling.”
“Bling’s an American word isn’t it?” I asked.
“I think it came from America,” Mum said. “from the rappers and their thick gold chains.”
“Them rappers look daft don’t they,” Auntie Lily said. “They look like they’ve got jewellery shops around their necks. They’ll end up with humped backs.”
“I thought bling was Cockney,” Dad said.” Bling-bling-bling sounds bloody cockney to me.”
“It’s usually gold though, isn't it?” Mum asked.
“It started with Mister T.,” Auntie Lily said. “Bling is what glitters, like stones not the gold."
“One of my teachers used to say, ‘All that glitters is not gold,'" Mum said. “I never knew what she meant.”
“Ali G is a bit of a blingster,” Dad said. “It’s anything that’s flashy or vulgar.”
“Our Jenny’s got this diamond ring,” Auntie Lily said, “and our Sue said, ‘How’s that for bling?’ so it’s the stones that make it bling. And our Joe showed me his square ring, just diamonds, and he said, ‘How’s that for bling?’”
"OK, it's stones in gold, not just gold," Mum said.
"It's stones in anything," Auntie Lily said. "It has to shine to bling."
“Is rap big in England?” I asked.
“I like Eminem,” Mum said. “I’ve seen his film 8 Mile. It’s really good.”
“I don’t know who Eminem is,” Aunty Lily said. “When I hear Eminem, I think of toffees that melt in your mouth not in your hands.”
“Eminem’s Stan was great , wasn’t it? Dad said. "I like the one that has a sample of Dido.”
“Dido!" Aunty Lily said. “That sounds like a sex thing.”
“That’s a dildo,” Mum said. “Not a Dido.
“Don’t you know,” Dad asked Auntie Lily, “the difference between a dildo and a Dido?”
“Dido’s a pop singer,” Mum said laughing, “and a dildo is a sex aid.”
“Oh!” said Auntie Lily. “You learn something every day.”
“A dildo is what Jack Nicholson had in The Departed, the film we saw the other night."
“I missed Jack Nicholson with the dildo because I had to use the loo,” Mum said.
“What did you go to the loo for?” Auntie Lily asked.
“What do you usually go to the loo in the cinema for?” Mum said. “A number one, not a number two.”
“We’re getting off the subject,” I said. “I was asking if rap is big in England.”
“I don’t know what rap music is,” Auntie Lily said.
“It’s just like poetry to music, and they sort of talk it rather than sing it, to a beat,” Mum said.
“What do you listen to?” I asked Auntie Lily.
“Nat King Cole and Ella Fitzgerald,” Auntie Lily said. “Give me some nice easy listening. Some Frank Sinatra. I love him singing New York, New York.”
“So Eminem’s the only rapper you know of?” I asked.
“There’s one,” Dad said, “called Snoop Dogg something. He’s probably American. Eminem: he’s still popular but old hat now.”
“What about Tupac?” I asked.
“He died in Las Vegas,” Dad said. “He got shot.”
“They have to get shot to be famous,” Mum said.
“Crazy, the lot of 'em,” Auntie Lily said.
“Tupac,” Dad said, “agreed to be shot beforehand to become famous.”
"Completely off their heads," Auntie Lily said.
“What about 50 Cent?” I asked.
“I’ve heard of him,” Dad said. “There’s an English group called The Streets. The singer is brilliant. But I don’t think you’d call it rap really. English rap maybe.”

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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood


Anonymous said...

That's entertainment........
Terry B

Justin said...

The Streets are amazing.

Anonymous said...

Auntie Lily is a card. You have a wonderful family to return to.
JM uk

Devout Melist said...

I don't know what exactly the appeal is about families talking, but it is just cozy reading, ya know? Your entire family seems like a delightful hoot. Very close, very funny, very endearing. :)