Diego Plays "Gay" - Deleted Scene from Hard Time 1

In the maximum-security Madison Street jail, the new arrival, Diego, reminded me of Busta Beatz. He visited my cell to show me his drawings and giggled about his Rule 11 classification [mental illness].
One morning, when I was engrossed in a book, he burst into my cell. “Hey, I got the post-gas diet!”
I put the book down on my bunk.
“Yeah, I got the post-gas diet!” he said even louder.
“What?” I asked, clueless.
“I went in the doctor’s office, played gay, and he gave me the post-gas diet.” He giggled.
“I’m still not sure what you mean.”
“The post-gas diet. I now get an extra lunch sack and peanut butter every day for three months,” he said proudly.
Impressed he had hoodwinked the medical staff into giving him extra food that he could eat and barter with, I asked, “How did you manage that, Diego?”
“Playing gay!”
“How does that work?” I said, giving him my full attention.
“I told Dr. Jean I needed the colon and prostate tests. He shoved one finger in my butthole, then two fingers in my butthole. I acted like I loved it. I waved my arms around. And he gave it me! He gave it me! The post-gas diet! What a come-up!”
Holding back my laughter, I said, “You sure came up, dawg.” 
Later on, Diego’s cellmate, Frank, a tough Mexican Mafia member stopped by.
“Diego’s been telling everyone all day he got the post-gas diet,” Frank said. “He’s going around the pod showing everyone the paperwork.”
“Did he tell you how he got the post-gas diet?” I asked, struggling not to smile.
“Nah, he hasn’t told anyone.”
“Uh-oh. Have I got a story for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“He played gay.”
“Played gay! What do you mean?”
“You’d better sit down first...”
But Diego didn’t last long in maximum security. On the phone to Claudia, I heard commotion to my rear, and saw Diego tumble down the stairs, streaked in blood, and flop on the floor.
“Lockdown everyone!” the guard announced, and turned off the phones. The guards removed him on a stretcher and he never returned.
Joe explained what had happened. A murderer had put fifty dollars on the books of an old heroin addict called Silver Fox. The money was for a drug purchase. As soon as Silver Fox received a written confirmation that the money was in his account, he moved out of our pod to spend it on drugs for himself. In an act known as “cosigning,” Diego had vouched for Silver Fox. When the murderer found out Silver Fox had stole his money, and that Diego could not cover the debt, he smashed Diego and threw him down the stairs.

Click here for Hard Time

Shaun Attwood

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Silly Diego!