19 October 05
Two Tonys and I were chatting in the chow hall when we were joined by the scariest looking inmate on Yard 4. To picture Repo, imagine the bald-headed villain in the movie, The Hills Have Eyes, only with the addition of flames and skulls tatooed on his head. He is dangerous by virtue of size – 6 feet 7 and built like Big Bad John. He is a practitioner of aikido. Before this imprisonment, he was a debt collector. He was arrested in a hotel car park attempting to collect a forty-thousand-dollar drug debt, after a terrified hotel guest dialled 911 and reported seeing, “A big man, getting out of a big truck with a big gun.” His debt collection partner was a
“Did you see the ambulance outside of Buildin’ 2 last night? Some guy blew his asshole out while takin’ a shit,” Repo said.
“I hope my slurpin' my fuckin' chicken noodle soup doesn’t interfere with your discussion about assholes and takin' fuckin' shits. I’m tryin’ to fuckin' eat. Do you mind?” Two Tonys said.
“What’s wrong with talkin’ about shits and assholes?”
“It’s not just that. It seems like every time I sit down to eat my fuckin’ chow, you come around, and the conversation goes straight to shits and assholes and nasty stuff that’s unappetizing to me. We don’t have to talk about splittin' the fuckin’ atom here but we could at least have a normal fuckin’conversation,” Two Tonys said.
“You’ve been down plenee years. You’ve heard worse than shits and assholes.”
“Yeah. And I was in the navy for fuckin’ years keepin’ the Red Chinese from snatchin’ your fuckin’ ass.”
“That’s before my time. If you’d fought on the Ho Chi Minh Trail, you’d get my respects.”
“I was in fuckin’ Blood Alley, in Formosa. If Chairman Mao had of had his way, you’d be speakin’ Chinese and eatin’ noodles with chopsticks, motherfucker.”
“I like Chinese food.”
“You would, you bizarre lookin’ motherfucker. When you get out, I’m gonna send you to the Coast for lunch with Francis Ford Coppola. But when you talk to him, don’t mention people takin’ shits and blowin’ their assholes out, and you might get a bit part in one of his movies as a fuckin’ monster.”
“I can’t go to California. I’ve done too many repetitive dangerous crimes there.”
Repo flexed his neck muscles – enlargening several skull tatoos – and departed.
Email comments to email@example.com or post them below
Copyright © 2004-2005 Shaun P. Attwood
Jon’s book wishlist – he is allowed used or new books as long as they are sent direct from publishers such as Amazon.