23 October 05


Is Frankie Lonely?

I managed to steer Frankie’s latest come-on in the following direction:

“Englandman, let’s play strip chess” Frankie said.
“How does that work?” I said.
“Whoever loses each game strips something off.”
“Not likely. I’m hetero. No soy homosexual.”
“That’s not what Xena said.”
“What did she say?”
“That you guys were makin’ tortillas.”
“Makin’ tortillas ! What the bloody hell’s that mean? And do I really wanna know?”
“You know what a tortilla is?”
“Yeah, foodwise.”
“Its when you flip-flop. One guy goes, and then the other guy goes. That’s two guys makin’ tortillas.”
“Xena would never say that about me.”
“Ha-ha. Gimme a little taste then.”
“A little taste of what?”
Chicloso.”
Chicloso?”
“You know, pinta pussy.”
“What’s wrong with you? Aren’t there enough cheetos here for you?”
“There’s never enough.”
“Aren’t you getting’ any play right now?”
“Hell no! Kenny offered to come in and get freaky, but he ain’t all that. He told me he could suck a dick real good. He’s too fuckin’ old. He’s lost all of the rubber bands holdin’ his asshole together, and he calls himself good. I’d have to kidney punch him a few times to tighten his asshole up, and then his asshole would look like that.”
Frankie curled his right forefinger as tight as possible, forming a puckered hole above his thumb.
“So you won’t be takin’ Kenny up on his offer then?” I said.
“Hell no! The motherfucker walks like a snake, and thinks he’s tight. I can spot 'em a mile away. That’s why they call me Caesar the booty pleaser.”
“Are you missing Yum-Yum?”
“Oh, man, I shit you not.”
“So there’s no one here you fancy?”
”I don’t like none of them. I know when I see a good one 'cause my dick starts throbbin’.”
“What about the lad that cleans your house?”
”I’ve heard on the side that he does, homey. I’ve been treatin’ him real nice. Sometimes he acts like it, but then he plays the man part.”
“So you have a plan to seduce him?”
“By treatin’ him good. Treatin’ him nice. Buyin’ him little things every now and then. He’s startin’ to like me. He comes to my house every day.”
“I don’t see the attraction. If you and him were to go at it, would you think of him, or do you close your eyes and think of women?”
“Hell no! I’d think of him. It makes it better.”
“What about George?”
“I was thinkin’ about having him do my house cleanin’ naked.”
“How much would you pay him for that?”
“A twenty-five cent soup, and he’ll be lucky.”
“Ha-ha. It sounds like you’re lonely?”
“Yeah.”

Your comments for Frankie would be appreciated.

Cheers! Jon.

Jon’s book wishlist – he is allowed used or new books as long as they are sent direct from publishers such as Amazon.

Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2004-2005 Shaun P. Attwood

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

hey shaun you can get strip pool in the ring o bells now

Michael said...

On Frankie, well, he is what he is.
I admire your ability to stay calm and collected, Jon.
G-d Bless you.

Alex D said...

This post is tied with your post about Slingblade's bestial feeding fugue as the all time funniest and most amusing!

LX said...

Shaun,
this is an especially brilliantly illustrated and amusing piece.

It's all dialogue, written by you and transcribed by your family, but it certainly didn't suffer in transit.