16 Jan 06

Anal Virginity Threats: Defended By The Orange Queen.
Threat level: moderate

“I still think you’re bisexual,” George said.
“Why do you say that?” I said.
“Because in the past you willingly experimented with drugs, which leads you down the same path as experimenting with sex.”
“Drugs never gave me bisexual thoughts; they added oomph to the sex act itself.”
“You’re experimental, but you’re afraid that your bisexuality would diminish your manhood.”

An unexpected visitor joined my side.
“Being experimental doesn’t make him bisexual,” Xena told George.
“Hi Xena! George is trying to convince me that I’m bisexual, and how receiving oral sex from him is in my best interest.”
“Huh! I know Jon’s not bisexual,” Xena said, “‘cos he doesn’t hit on me. Everyone else hits on me. George hit on me once; he offered to buy my penis.”
“George, is that true?” I asked.
“Xena, how much did he offer you?”
“Four hundred dollars.”
“George, that’s twice what you offered me!” I said.
Shame-faced, George admitted, “I know, but I woulda never paid that, I was only trying to get Xena enticed.”
“It seems as though you’re full of diabolical sexual schemes, George,” I said.
“I never did anything with Xena,” George said.
“Let’s get back to the argument at hand. It seems that Xena is agreeing with me that your case for my ‘latent bisexuality’ is flawed.”
“No one is one hundred percent hetro or homo. There’s a sliding scale with various degrees of both between the two extremes. The Britmeister is in denial if he claims to be one hundred percent hetro,” George said with an air of triumph.

“You can’t call him bisexual just because he’s experimental,” Xena said. “I don’t think he has bisexual desires.”
“He does have bisexual desires. They’re latent – down deep,” George insisted.
“You’re fulla shit,” Xena said.
“George, your argument is weak,” I told him. “Xena and I are crushing it.”
“I still think you have bisexual qualities,” George said.
“How so?” I asked.
“’Cos you’re tall, thin, and feminine.” George said.
“Feminine!” I said.
“How’s he feminine?” Xena asked.
“’Cos he’s English,” George said. “All English are feminine.”
“All English are feminine – duh! – that must be it, George,” Xena said with a pinch of sarcasm.
“Look George’s nipples are hard!” Xena said pointing.
George, topless and titillated, tried to wrestle Xena down, but limber Xena tangled him in her lengthy limbs and ejected him from the room.
“Gittouttahere you hairy-ass human tarantula!” Xena said.
George scurried back to his cell.

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Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood


Anonymous said...

A friendly critique - I have to question your consistent spelling of 'dawg'. I believe that you use that spelling out of context. 'Dawg' is usually used as slang, for example, between men/boys in what can only be identified as a street type of environment, ie gangs, homies... Although the prison would be full of people from such environments, it is used more as a name like 'bro'. When used as an insult, the spelling should definitely be D-O-G. Just some food for thought...


Cheryl said...

Well now, I could have said something about the usefulness of that comment, but on the upside, at least it means there's someone besides me, who thinks you should be published?
I thought that all sounded very friendly, in a subliminally threatening sort of way. Would calling someone dog instead of dawg start a war?

Anonymous said...

The sexual desire is a such strong urge--it has to be for any species to contine to propagate itself--sometimes an living creature is willing to mate with anything to satisfy that urge.

Pippa said...

Ok Mr Anonymous, just go back to mating with anything and everything... And Xena, I just wanted to say I think you're an awesome chick! Does you name come from Xena Warrior Princess?

Anonymous said...

Hey xena,
there was a program over here in britain about a dating show where the girl they were all trying to seduce was actually a man, but no-one guessed on the show, of course the audience knew but the general consensus was that this women, born a man was remarkable. She was originally from south america, i forget where. Where she was brought up it was legal for her to gain access to hormone treatment from pre-puberty so she had none of the usual tell tell signs that other transexuals manifest.
Here the operation is only granted after a pysch ok's it, which can take years and they will only consider it after u are 18 and usually post puberty. The result is that certain transexuals who have known from the beginning of consciousness that they were born the wrong sex and have always cross dressed are forced to go through the defining age of puberty as a man thus gaining male body characteristics.
There are examples of people wanting to change back but very few, what are your views on this, should confirmed transexuals who have consistantly cross dressed for years be given hormone therapy thus enabling them to look like the women they feel they are, or do you know if there are drugs to prevent puberty until someone is old enough to be analysed or what? What is your opinion on the matter?