16 Jan 06

Anal Virginity Threats: Defended By The Orange Queen.
Threat level: moderate

“I still think you’re bisexual,” George said.
“Why do you say that?” I said.
“Because in the past you willingly experimented with drugs, which leads you down the same path as experimenting with sex.”
“Drugs never gave me bisexual thoughts; they added oomph to the sex act itself.”
“You’re experimental, but you’re afraid that your bisexuality would diminish your manhood.”

An unexpected visitor joined my side.
“Being experimental doesn’t make him bisexual,” Xena told George.
“Hi Xena! George is trying to convince me that I’m bisexual, and how receiving oral sex from him is in my best interest.”
“Huh! I know Jon’s not bisexual,” Xena said, “‘cos he doesn’t hit on me. Everyone else hits on me. George hit on me once; he offered to buy my penis.”
“George, is that true?” I asked.
Silence
“Xena, how much did he offer you?”
“Four hundred dollars.”
“George, that’s twice what you offered me!” I said.
Shame-faced, George admitted, “I know, but I woulda never paid that, I was only trying to get Xena enticed.”
“Dawg!”
“Slut!”
“It seems as though you’re full of diabolical sexual schemes, George,” I said.
“I never did anything with Xena,” George said.
“Let’s get back to the argument at hand. It seems that Xena is agreeing with me that your case for my ‘latent bisexuality’ is flawed.”
“No one is one hundred percent hetro or homo. There’s a sliding scale with various degrees of both between the two extremes. The Britmeister is in denial if he claims to be one hundred percent hetro,” George said with an air of triumph.

“You can’t call him bisexual just because he’s experimental,” Xena said. “I don’t think he has bisexual desires.”
“He does have bisexual desires. They’re latent – down deep,” George insisted.
“You’re fulla shit,” Xena said.
“George, your argument is weak,” I told him. “Xena and I are crushing it.”
“I still think you have bisexual qualities,” George said.
“How so?” I asked.
“’Cos you’re tall, thin, and feminine.” George said.
“Feminine!” I said.
“How’s he feminine?” Xena asked.
“’Cos he’s English,” George said. “All English are feminine.”
“All English are feminine – duh! – that must be it, George,” Xena said with a pinch of sarcasm.
“Look George’s nipples are hard!” Xena said pointing.
George, topless and titillated, tried to wrestle Xena down, but limber Xena tangled him in her lengthy limbs and ejected him from the room.
“Gittouttahere you hairy-ass human tarantula!” Xena said.
George scurried back to his cell.

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