20 January 06

A Two Tonys Day

“How’s your day going?” I asked Two Tonys.
“I’m havin’ a wonderful day.” Two Tonys said. “It started when I got up this mornin’, and cleaned the house, and had a hot coffee. I went to the chow hall and they had my favourite fuckin’ breakfast: French Toast, grilled potatoes, and hot cereal. I thought I was in the fuckin’ International House of Pancakes for a minute. I was lookin’ for a waitress to order some cheese blintzes.
And what’s nice about the whole fuckin’ thing? - there ain’t no bill. The taxpayers of fuckin’ America are payin’ for my motherfuckin’ keep.
After chow, I went out to rec, walked a bit, played some baseball, and ate some ice cream.
The biggest decision I gotta make today is whether to go to fuckin’ lunch or not. There was a time in my life when I had to make fuckin’ decisions: do I wanna pay this guy or do I wanna pay that guy? – do I wanna whack this guy or do I wanna whack that guy?
I’m havin’ a much better day than some of those rich motherfuckers I knew livin’ on Camelback Mountain when I was in the fuckin’ world. They were worried about makin’ their mortgage payments, or their wives bangin’ the pool cleaner or the landscaper with the leaf-blower on his back – or worried about their high-school daughters getting lungs full of crack from some rapper with dreadlocks and gold teeth, or their teenage boys turnin’ out to be delinquents.
Life is good. A guy my age can actually take nice naps in the afternoon. I’ve got it made. This life ain’t nothin’ but a fuckin’donut, and it keeps getting’ bigger!”

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