26 Jan 06

The Tarantula Police

“What’s that?” asked a female guard upon seeing Xena playing with Dawg the tarantula.
“A spider,” Xena said.
“Well lemme see it. You know I’m gonna hafta take that.”
“Oh well!” Xena said.

An hour later the guard returned with a sergeant, and a massive guard carrying a white bucket to put Dawg in.
“I heard you’ve got a pet in here,” the sergeant said.
“Yeah,” Xena said in a sad voice.
“Let's see it then,” the sergeant said.
Xena opened his hand and revealed Dawg.
Upon seeing the tarantula, the guards backed away a few steps.
The big guard looked at the sergeant and said,“Sarge, do you wanna put the spider in the bucket?”
The sergeant shook his head.
Xena kissed Dawg’s hairy body, and said, “Bye-bye, little Dawggy. I love you! I’ll see you again in our next lives, I promise.” Xena stepped forward to put Dawg in the bucket, but the guards backed away again. Xena tried once more. The guard held the bucket out at arm's length and Xena put Dawg in it. “Will you set my spider free someplace like the farm area, so he’ll have a chance to survive?”
“I don’t think we have the time to go to the farm,” the sergeant said. “It’ll be easier for us to go to the control room and flush it down the toilet.”
The guards laughed and left.

Later on I asked Xena, “How do you feel now that Dawg's gone?”
“Like shit. I’m very upset – like a woman with PMS.”

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Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood