24 June 06

Pops and Slingblade's Shank Saga

Pops and Slingblade were brought back from lockdown to Yard 4. Pops ended up in A run in his own cell, and Slingblade was housed in C run with Bobble Head Bob (a murderer who is reputed to have set fire to his boyfriend).

“How’d you get out of the hole so fast?” I asked Pops.
“A guard brought me some forms.” Pops held up two forms: DI#6 Inmate Discipline Witness Request Form, and ADOC Inmate Disciplinary Report.

The latter read: On the below date and approximate time CO3 Dunn secured inmate [Pops] mattress. The scanner detected a metal object. Upon further searching of the mattress Sergeant Rios found a prison-made weapon sharpened to a point. Inmate [Pops] was verbally placed on report by Sergeant Rios.

“So what happened with the dangerous-weapon charge?”
“At first they acted like ass-holes, like I was a no-good man." Pops said. "Then the hearin’ officer never showed up by the hearin’ date, so, I guess by that time they’d found out the truth, and the ticket was dropped.”
“What was the truth?”
“The truth? By Gawd I don’t appreciate bein’ framed. They took a picture of me and all that bowlshit. They rolled us up like we were dirty guilty bastards – sonsofbitches!”
“Were you worried that Slingblade would get so hungry he would try to eat you in lockdown?”
“No. I gave him my pancakes and other stuff I couldn’t eat. I thought he was gonna go crazy 'cause there was less food. But 'cause he ate less, there was less farts. He eats five trays like I eat one, 'cause he don’t chew. He just sucks it down – schkkkkkk!”
“Even with your food, he still suffered a huge calorie cut, considering he eats five to ten leftover trays per meal.”
“He could eat a whole damn weddin’ cake! He don’t eat right. He’s gonna face the music one of these days. The way he eats, he inhales a lotta air, which is more gas. That’s why he has big-ol’, real-loud, long-lastin’ farts.”
“Are you missing him being your celly?”
“Hell no!”
“Will you ever have him back?”
“Never!”
“Did the guards ever find out whose shank was in your mattress?”
“They didn’t. It’s a mystery. Somebody musta threw it out on purpose, or forgot about it.”
“Alright, thanks for letting me know what happened.”
“You’re welcome. Remember to say hi to Queen Elizabeth for me.”
“I sure will, Pops.”

Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood