21 April 07

Recruited By Iron Man and Grit

Shaped like bricks, Iron Man and Grit sit at the same table as me in the chow hall.

“How come you guys are always jacked up?” I asked.
“’Cause,” Grit said, “we just did twelve-hundred pushups, one-and-a-half hours of burpies.”
“What’s a burpie?”
“If you really wanna know,” Iron Man said, “show up at the rec room when our doors open and we’ll give you a crash course.”
Grit chuckled and said, “By the time you walk out of the rec room - ”
“If you can still stand,” Iron Man said.
“ – you won’t have any doubts in your mind what burpies are.”
“I’d like to try what you guys are doing. Do you think you could increase my definition and maybe help me put on five pounds or so of muscle mass?”
“Look, if you’re interested in gettin’ in shape,” Iron Man said, “I know how to do it. If you learn my routines and put one-hundred percent fuckin’ effort into them, I’ll have you in the best fuckin’ shape of your life – guaranteed.”
“I heard you guys have knowledge of martial arts.”
“Yeah,” Iron Man said,” I’ve had some trainin’.”
“Which types?”
“Look,” Iron Man said, “this is the deal: I don’t like talkin’ about this shit 'cause it tips my hand. When people know what skills you have it’s possible for them to come up with a defence against them. But if you’re gonna be workin’ out with us, I’ll tell you what’s up.”
“Yeah. It’ll be great to work out with you guys.”
“OK. All through high school I trained in judo and karate, and then I did years of kung fu after I graduated. My kung fu master was a class-four special forces badass whose job in Nam was to go out in the night before the Marines and kill every sentry within a mile-wide area usin’ only silent killin’ techniques – garrotes and edged weapons. He was a fourth-degree black belt in a style that was a combination of the tiger, horse, and mantis.”
“Can you show me some of that?”
“We’ll see,” Iron Man said.
“And you’ll only be workin’ out with me for a few weeks 'cause I’m gettin’ out at the end of this month,” Grit said.
“That’s alright. When do we start?”
“Tomorrow night,” Iron Man said.

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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Homeboy, you are in for some serious pain with the burpies dog! Be prepared to be sore from the core to the tip of your toes...no joke! It's about time you get that frame in shape Jon!!! More power to you, cause chicks don't dig a skinny bag of bones unless you have money. I know...until I got locked up I weighed 140. SInce I got out in 04', I weigh a healthy 185 now. Besides laying off the speed, a proper diet and constant exercise will change you physically and mentally. I cannot wait to hear the results! Take care Jon. -Jose in San Diego

joannie said...

Good luck, but remember-you got the muscle where it counts...between your ears. At least where this member of the fairer sex is concerned, if I want the bucks or big guns, I get a hunting license.

Anonymous said...

What was it that the ancient Greeks said...a sound mind in a sound body?

This should be fun. Prisoners are infamous for having unorthodox, but effective, workout programs.

You just might come out of there with a sleek, muscular physique to along with that brain of yours.