10 Jun 06
Flashback to Tucson Prison: Ogre v Two Tonys
Two Tonys - A whacker of men and Mafia associate serving multiple life sentences for murders and violent crimes. Left bodies from Tucson to Alaska, but claims all his victims "had it coming."
Ogre - A burly biker from California who accidentally stabbed his wife in the knee, and seems to be a classic case of prison pharmacology gone wrong. He claims to have seduced Jenny McCarthy and got high with Pamela Anderson.
Here’s what happened after Two Tonys threw Ogre in the dirt.
I was working with Two Tonys on his life story when Ogre charged into his cell. “I want words with you, you old bastard! Why are people on the yard sayin’ you pulled a tae kwon do move and threw my ass in the dirt?”
Sitting on his bunk, Two Tonys raised a finger at Ogre as if scolding an errant child. “Wait a minute, motherfucker. First of all, this is my fuckin’ home. Don’t ever barge in here again like that, motherfucker. And second of all, lemmetellya somethin’: when you’re mad like this, you’re a handsome devil. When ya get out, I’ve got some connections in Hollywood I’m gonna send ya to, ’cause ya remind me of an old actor called Lon Chaney who played some characters that look just like you when ya get angry.”
“Who the fuck is Lon Chaney, you old motherfucker? Whatthafuck’s that got to do with you tellin’ people on the yard that you threw my ass in the dirt?”
“Hey, relax, dude. It was what it was. Was your ass in the dirt? Did ya hafta get up and wipe yer ass off? Was I still standin’?”
Ogre leaned forward as if about to fall on and crush Two Tonys. “That’s ’cause I happened to slip, motherfucker. You know how it went down. You didn’t throw me nowhere!”
“Bring one motherfucker in here who said I did say I threw yer ass down. People saw whatthafuck they saw. You’ve got so many enemies on the yard, they probably wanted me to throw yer ass in the dirt, ya big-headed motherfucker. Why ya gotta come bargin’ in here when I’m talkin’ to my Brit friend. You’d better thank God I ain’t got my pistols, ’cause I’d of shot yer sorry ass six fuckin’ months ago. Outside of that: do ya want a cup of coffee?”
“I’m tellin’ you, you didn’t throw my ass in the dirt, and I’ve gotz my own fuckin’ coffee! I’m not drinkin’ with you, you old motherfucker! I oughta just snap your neck and take your fuckin’ coffee.”
“Goddam, bro. Can’t we all just get along? Whatthafuck’s the problem here? Ya wanna kill the Two Tonys, is that what ya wanna do, you big-headed motherfucker?”
“That’s exactly what I’m gonna do if you continue to make me look like a punk by telling people you threw me in the dirt.” Ogre stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
“Ogre’s getting out of control,” I said. “Maybe it’s time for the psych doctor to change his meds again.”
“Everybody’s gotta vent.” Two Tonys smiled wisely. “Let the motherfucker vent.”
06 Sep 08 The Arizona Department of Corrections is attempting to shut Jon's Jail Journal down. I will post more details on Monday after I have considered my legal options.
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Copyright © 2008 Shaun P. Attwood