07 May 08
How to Survive Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Jail System
Here are some tips to survive Arpaio’s jails:
1 If you don’t want to end up with the mystery-meat slop the inmates call “red death” then when you first enter the jail tell the booking officer you need a religious diet. Claiming Hindu will get you vegetarian food. The Jewish food is considered the best, but you’ll have some explaining to do to the Aryan Brotherhood.
2 When you arrive at your assigned pod, dorm or tent do not hide your charges or else you will be suspected of crimes against children and get smashed. If the inmates tell you to “roll up” as soon as you get there and offer no further explanation then you are in imminent danger, so ask to be moved unless you are the type of person who enjoys fighting five people at once.
3 Immediately ask who the head of your race is and be aware of the political rules he is enforcing. For example, if you are white and an Aryan Brother is running the whites and you go and sit at a table with the Mexicans, Mexican Americans or African Americans you may get smashed. Click here to see a video of an Aryan Brother slaying a prisoner who crossed the gangs.
4 When you get your first chow, sit down last because you don’t want to sit on the seat of someone who likes to knock people out for the slightest affront. Find out who sits where, and ask someone where it’s safe for you to sit.
5 Don’t run up drug or gambling debts. Debts are the number one reason for jail violence.
6 If you brag or act tough – no matter how big you are – someone will want to smash you. The gangs go in like packs of hyienas on big men.
7 If you must do drugs clean the works. There are hundreds of men sharing one dirty syringe throughout Arpaio’s jail system. Hepatitis C is rampant, and TB not uncommon. The way Arpaio runs the jail constitutes a public-health risk.
8 Same goes for tattoos. One inmate I met had contracted AIDS from getting a jailhouse tattoo.
9 Don’t flaunt money or get a lot put on your books all at once. If you do you are asking to be extorted. Don’t give store items away for free or else you will be perceived as a soft touch and have the inmates lining up to take everything you own.
10 When a riot happens the whole area is usually pepper-sprayed or maced. Wet your eyes and blink rapidly, so the chemical agent comes out in your tears. Wrap a wet towel around your head to protect you from further effects of the spray.
11 Don’t pal up to the guards. The inmates will assume you are providing information and smash you.
12 Don’t talk about someone behind his back. Beware of inmates telling you they heard someone say something bad about you – like someone calling you a punk – because they may be inciting you to fight their enemy. A good response for such a situation is: “Anyone who thinks I’m a punk needs to man-up and say it to my face.”
13 Don’t tell the guards you are feeling suicidal or they will four-point you, meaning all four of your limbs will be shackled to a bunk and you may have to urinate and defecate where you lay.
14 When store items are being collected for indigent inmates or men in the hole contribute if you can. You do not want to be viewed as being unsupportive of your race.
15 Be cognizant of your body language. The inmate with a spring in his step and his chin up is less likely to get preyed upon than the inmate with his head down staring at the ground giving off vibes that he’s afraid or got something to hide.
16 Maricopa County is paying out a fortune in inmate lawsuits because of the inhumane treatment of prisoners by the Arpaio regime. If you are mistreated, request for and fill out all of the necessary grievance and medical paperwork otherwise your claim will not stand up in court. I encourage inmates to sue the jail and Arpaio as much as possible - maybe then changes will be made. So as to avoid court cases and bad publicity, inmates are often paid out-of-court settlements. This is a good earner for inmates who have suffered illegal treatment.
17 If you see Sheriff Joe Arpaio in the jail system there is something you can do that will generate you huge respect and make you a legendary figure in the inmates' minds: spit on him. It might just be worth going to the hole for. I am, of course, just kidding. I would never encourage you to assault a public official with your bodily fluids. Don’t give them any excuses to extend your stay.
18 Stock up on the free toothpaste, AmerFresh, in case you end up in a cockroach-infested area. It effectively blocks the cracks the cockroaches swarm from when the lights are turned off.
Click here for my fish survival guide.
Arpaio's jails: First Ave Jail Fourth Avenue Jail Durango Jail Towers Jail Estrella Jail Tent City Lower Buckeye Jail Madison Street Jail
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