18 July 07

Xena’s Woes

Don’t ya wish your girlfriend was hot like Xena?” they were singing on Yard 4.
“How’s it going, Xeen?” I asked.
“I’ve had a bad year so far,” Xena said. “First they took my man away from me. They said he was fightin’, which is bullshit. He never got in no fight. He can’t help it if someone jumps in front of his fist.”
“When’s he getting out of the hole?”
“It doesn’t look like he is. That’s OK. I’ll follow him anyway. He’s the only one I ever will. Otherwise they follow me. And once I’m gone, no one will know what to do on the yard anymore. I guess it’s back to the Thorazine line.”
“What else is bothering you?”
“My sister died.”
“That’s terrible. I’m really sorry, you have my condolences.”
“Thank you.”
“How did she die?”
“In a car accident. She was forty-five-years old.”
“That’s rough.”
“She just had a birthday.”
“Are you trying to stay positive?”
“Readin’. D&D. If I cut my nuts off do you think that will send inspiration to the rest of me? Do you know anyone who knows the best methods to remove the testicles?”
“Have you talked to Gina about it?”
“I really don’t want anybody else seein’ me do this. I really must do it on my own.”
“You’re not gonna cut the wasp off are you?”
“Definitely. I’m gonna make a small lampshade out of it by puttin’ a small pin light up inside my penis. I’ll attach the batteries to where my balls used to be, so if I make it to any dark holes I can see where I’m going.”
"You're not going to do it in here are you?"
“No. But I’d like to get some info on it, so I can learn about it, 'cause when I get out I wanna do it legally. There’s no way I’d do it in here. I’m too damn scared. I don’t think I have the balls for it. I have the nipples though!”

Any advice on this for Xena?

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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jon, I am not an expert - but I would think Xena would do best to wait 'til she can have a doctor do the surgery. Not just for the obvious reasons (ouch), but because they will use much of the tissues from her severed man-bits to construct woman-bits! She'd get a much better result - practically indistinguishable from the natural born woman (in the right light.) Function would be better too.