28 July 07

How Wall Basher Disfigured His Hands

Wall Basher said to Two Tonys, “Tell Jon about the time you were beefin’ about your ingrown toenail, and I had to pull the fucker out.”
“Wall Basher took a sharp pen and some fingernail clippers, and dug it out. It hurt like hell. For that, I let him get away with certain liberties – but if it were anyone else I’d slice their fuckin’ throats.”
“Why dontcha try knockin’ someone out with your hands?” Wall Basher clenched his fists.
“I prefer pipes,” Two Tonys said.
“How did Wall Basher’s hands get all lumpy like that?” I said.
“One time, I fucked up my hands 'cause the cops squeezed Noxzema all over a picture of my dead grandfather. They laughed at me, and wouldn’t open the door. I shattered my fist on the door, and demanded medical attention. I told 'em to call a sergeant for me to speak to. I kept doin’ full-thrustin’ punches to the steel and glass. They called an IMS. A sergeant came, and they put me in an outdoor cage in the middle of summer. I tore down the sunscreens and stripped butt naked. I took a boot string, put it around my neck, and pretended to hang myself. The sergeant pepper-sprayed me. So I grabbed the bench outta the cement, and went off. I injured my right leg, and calmed down. The faggot-ass punks gave me seven major tickets. I had a fractured hand. I was gone for over a year. I spent eight months in the hole.”
“Wow!” I said. “I’d say you’ve got a steep anger gradient.”
“This animale’s got fuckin’ issues,” Two Tonys said. “But he’s the kinda guy I’d want in a foxhole with me when all hell’s breakin’ loose.”

Who would you rather be in a foxhole with: Wall Basher or Prince Harry?

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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood

4 comments:

Reese said...

It all depends if Harry was sober or not

Anonymous said...

Wallbasher anyday. -Jose in San Diego

Anonymous said...

I'd jump in a foxhole with Harry anyday - drunk or sober
Carly

Francois said...

...so would I!