01 July 07
The Fifteen Commandments of Xena
I asked Xena to write a code of conduct for Cult of Xena members.
Thus shall Jon say to Cult of Xena members:
Thou shalt not use thy Lady and Lord Xena’s name in vain unless thy art screaming in pleasure with two or more partners.
Thou shalt not murder neither genital or genitilia unless they belie thy identity or cause thee to suffer without pleasure!
Thou shalt not look at thy neighbour without lust.
Thou shalt not steal unless it is tasty and oh so sweet.
Thou shalt never hurt children or animals.
Thou shalt not hate others who are different than thee unless they hate thee first in which case thou shalt smite them with thy wasps.
Thou shalt not become discouraged in bed unless thee feel inadequate in which case thou shalt aquireth anal love beads from the Egyptians.
Thou shalt not become depressed if thee feel inadequate – instead practice with thy love beads.
Thou shalt use thy imagination when having sex.
Thou shall share partners when thy can.
Thou shalt touch thyselves openly amongst thy friends especially when doing so may arouse thy sexual partners or thyself.
Thou shalt explore thy sexual inhibitions unless they involve Commandment Five.
Thou shalt always dress sexy and smell good.
Thou shalt always lust after and think covetousishly of thy Lady and Lord Xena.
Thou shalt always be thyself when out in public especially when being thyself is controversial to the populace.
Questions for Xena – unusual or otherwise – are welcome
Email comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood