25 June 07

What Max Did For The Booty Bandit Buyer Of Semen

“I thought,” I said, “I was aware of the most depraved things the booty bandits get up to in here, but this just blows my mind. How did you hook up with this person?”
“My buddy,” Max said, “told me about him and the jizz. And I said, ‘What? Are you serious? What does he do with the jizz?’ And after my buddy told me what the guy does with the jizz, I asked him, ‘Well, how much does he pay?’ He said, ‘It depends, dude, on your look factor, age, and shit.’ I figure, I’m young, I’m not bad lookin’, maybe I can get somethin’ from the motherfucker. I needed the money at the time.”
“How much did you charge?”
“A forty-dollar sack of store.”
“For how much jizz?”
“I dunno, a coupla’ teaspoons, I guess.”
“How often did you provide jizz?”
“Every week and a half or so. Whenever my store ran out. I only did it five or six times.”
“How did you get the jizz to him?”
“In a baggie. He told me to put it in a little baggie. And the crazy thing is, if you’ve ever studied your own jizz, it stays solid for a while, it has a gelatine-like consistency, but after it’s been in the open air in a warm environment it turns runny. You know what I’m talkin’ about.”
“Not really. I’ve gone my whole life without ever having jizz lying around the house. But I’ll take your word for it. So you delivered it in a baggie?”
“Yeah, I’d walk across the pod with the warm jizz in a baggie in my hand with all eyes on me. I was tryin’ to keep it a secret, so the dude would keep buyin’ me store. What could I have said if someone had stopped me and asked what I was doin? How do you say to someone, ‘I sold my nut, dude, to an old perv who uses it as lotion or does whatever the fuck with it. Maybe it’s an age revitalizer’. ”
“Did he demand a certain consistency or freshness?”
“Yes. He did want it as fresh as possible.”
“Was your conscience plagued by the uncertain fate of millions of your potential babies?”
“It wasn’t on my conscience. It’s not like it was genocide, dude. The way I figured it, my boys were takin’ one for the team.”
“So there were no qualms when you jerked it out.”
“No.”
“What were you thinking during the manual labour?”
“I got a Fox magazine. He didn’t say, ‘Hey, you’ve gotta think about me when you jack off.’ If he’d said that shit, I’da never gotten off, dude.”
“How do you feel about it now?”
“You’ll compromise a lotta morals to survive in prison. I imagine a lotta people woulda done the same in my situation: needin’ soap, shampoo and food. Forty-dollars worth of store is a lifesaver sometimes.”

How many of you, if in Max’s situation would be willing to sell your secretions?

Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood

13 comments:

joannie said...

A woman's eggs are worth thousands-you don't have to be in prison to be tempted to sell them.

Anonymous said...

I would go with out if I had to sell my fluids to get it. Anyone else?

Scary Uncle said...

I wouldn't have to be in Max's situation. I'm sitting here at work trying to think of a way to sell my spunk for beer money.

Don said...

Depended on how hungry I was and what was on sale at the store!

Anonymous said...

We are not talking about being outside of PRISON in a proffessional environment, are we? This is a blog about a prisioner right? So you wouldn't get thousands for your eggs in PRISON, and selling your sperm to a fellow inmate you know its not being used for the purpose of reproduction - nor would you beable to get beer in PRISON. Its down right NASTY, So let me rephrase I would rather go without IN PRISON if I had to sell my fluids to get what I wanted.

Anonymous said...

Scary were will you be selling? You sound highly intelligent I might want some HAHAHA!

Anonymous said...

Hell, might as well sell it. Its either into a baggie and ya get something for it, or into some TP and down the toilet anyway.

Anonymous said...

That person named Anonymous should really relax over there or better yet go handle his/her's!!!

If I was put in your friend's situation with no outside family or friends to help me out financially then I would most definitely sell fluids but in only in my last act of desperation to escape the shit food they serve.
With that descision would be pro's and con's. But who am I to judge. I've heard more extreme stories than selling some fluids to survive in prison.
Hell people on the outside sell their jizz and probably make more in a week doing it than some people make in a month (were not talking minimum wage either).
Soo relax and be thankful that's not you selling your jizz to the local perv!!

All my best
Jess N Phx.

Anonymous said...

Get bent Jess, I was making a point grow some morals!Thank you.

Alex D said...

I personally find the practice to be disgusting and dishonorable, and would never do it. But then again I'm not in prison either.
I defend his right to do whatever he wants with his bodily fluids though.

on a sidenote, judging from previous posts about this guy, it sounds like he's discovering a "latent" side of himself he may not have been aware of before...

Anonymous said...

dude - where do I drop off the little guys? 40 bucks for a baggy of jizz - I'll deliver daily! No problem... Scott (Boston)

Michelle said...

I don't see what the problem is with selling sperm or any other natural bodily fluid that isn't difficult or dangerous to extract. It's the other guy's moral problem what he wants with it / does with it.

Anonymous said...

I say never say never! You do what you have to survive. The sperm is gonna get wiped on a towel or toilet paper and thrown away so who gives a shit?