28 June 07

The Distaste Harboured by Two Tonys for the Marriage Between the Media and the likes of Cho Seung-Hui

“The world is full o’,” Two Tonys began, “West Nile virus, AIDS epidemics, avian flu; there’s nuclear warheads pointed at every major population on the planet; the Chinese are zappin’ shit outta space like they’re playin’ fuckin’ Star Wars; there’s tsunamis and all kinds of natural disasters: and what are the people of the fuckin’ world most worried about? They’re worried about whose sperm Anna Nicole Smith sucked up into her vagina! Now picture this: you’re a lonely motherfucker, maybe twenty-four-years old, you live in a flea-bitten studio apartment in, let’s say Manhattan or Chicago (it doesn’t fuckin’ matter), you’re a nobody, and you haven’t got your fifteen minutes of fame yet, you turn on the news – CNN, CBS, NBC all the major channels – and whattaya see? A crazy fuckin’ South Korean blew thirty-two people away at Virginia Tech with a Glock 9mm and a Walther P22. The worst shootin’ massacre of its kind: outdoin’ even those crazy-ass Texans like Charles Whitman and George Hennard. And what are all of those fuckin’ news channels showin’? What Cho Seung-Hui’s favoutite colour is. What he likes to eat for breakfast. How he did at school in his creative-writing class. What kind of music he listens to. Whether he likes to wear Gold Toe socks or not. And how often he picked his fuckin’ nose. The motherfucker got instant immortalisation just like Judas fuckin’ Iscariot did, Lee Harvey Oswald, Brutus the fuckin’ Caesar slayer, the list goes on. And why? 'Cause CNN and all them fuckin’ channels gave him instant infamy – which is just whatthafuck he wanted! Instead of buryin’ the motherfucker in some pauper’s grave, puttin some lime on him, and pissin’ on him ('cause the piss activates the lime) they made him immortal in a heartbeat. Now if you’re a twenty-four-year-old nobody watchin’ this shit, lookin’ for your fifteen minutes of fame, whattya gonna do? Maybe grab an AK-47 and bump off some old blue rinses on their way to the bingo hall. Maybe strap on a suicide bamb and hit Mall of America. Maybe go postal on your fellow cubicle workers at Intel. Now I say to you: whatthafuck is wrong with the unwashed masses lappin’ this shit up?”
“In some ways this country’s going to shit,” I said.
“It’s goin’ to shit in a fuckin’ handbasket! “Two Tonys said. “I have no fuckin’ doubt about it. The media made Cho Seung-Hui into a fuckin’ rockstar. Mick Jagger ain’t got nothin’ on that guy. How many more Catcher in the Rye shitheads is the media gonna make into rockstars?”
“But what can be done about it? Isn’t it up to us to try and see the good in the world?”
“What the world needs now is a modern-day Genghis Khan to ride across it with a golden horde cullin’ all those stupid fuckin’ unwashed masses.”
“So you’re advocating genocide?”
“Genocide for motherfuckers who just wanna obsess on the plight of poor students gettin’ shot down like wharf rats.”
“I see.”
“In America today, all any loser who wants to go big time has to do is to go out and massacre motherfuckers. If you wanna be on Larry King Live, talk some fool into gettin’ ignorant, and Larry’s people will be suckin’ your dick to get you on. The news media is motivatin’ people to do these types of crimes. Just look at the video Cho mailed to NBC. Before everyone had fuckin’ idiot boxes guess what people did?”
“What?”
“Had fuckin’ conversations with each other. Dad would look at you and say, ‘How did your day go, son?’ Now there’s TVs in every fuckin’ room: the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room, the den, the outside patio, and even the shitter. My daughter visited two weeks ago, and her and the kids talked about what movies they’d watched on the trip. It used to be you’d be cruisin’ along watchin’ the ocean, green trees, cows eatin’ in a fuckin’ pasture. Now you’ve got tinted fuckin’ windows and TVs in the car. You can watch Jean-Claude Van Damme do a jumpin’ spinnin’ hook kick and crack someone’s skull with the heel of his foot. You can watch Jet Li break someone’s nose, or shatter someone’s teeth with a tiger-claw palm strike. Or you can watch Bruce Willis blow the back of some motherfuckers skull out with a 9mm – and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that if the motherfucker had it comin’.”

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