28 June 07

The Distaste Harboured by Two Tonys for the Marriage Between the Media and the likes of Cho Seung-Hui

“The world is full o’,” Two Tonys began, “West Nile virus, AIDS epidemics, avian flu; there’s nuclear warheads pointed at every major population on the planet; the Chinese are zappin’ shit outta space like they’re playin’ fuckin’ Star Wars; there’s tsunamis and all kinds of natural disasters: and what are the people of the fuckin’ world most worried about? They’re worried about whose sperm Anna Nicole Smith sucked up into her vagina! Now picture this: you’re a lonely motherfucker, maybe twenty-four-years old, you live in a flea-bitten studio apartment in, let’s say Manhattan or Chicago (it doesn’t fuckin’ matter), you’re a nobody, and you haven’t got your fifteen minutes of fame yet, you turn on the news – CNN, CBS, NBC all the major channels – and whattaya see? A crazy fuckin’ South Korean blew thirty-two people away at Virginia Tech with a Glock 9mm and a Walther P22. The worst shootin’ massacre of its kind: outdoin’ even those crazy-ass Texans like Charles Whitman and George Hennard. And what are all of those fuckin’ news channels showin’? What Cho Seung-Hui’s favoutite colour is. What he likes to eat for breakfast. How he did at school in his creative-writing class. What kind of music he listens to. Whether he likes to wear Gold Toe socks or not. And how often he picked his fuckin’ nose. The motherfucker got instant immortalisation just like Judas fuckin’ Iscariot did, Lee Harvey Oswald, Brutus the fuckin’ Caesar slayer, the list goes on. And why? 'Cause CNN and all them fuckin’ channels gave him instant infamy – which is just whatthafuck he wanted! Instead of buryin’ the motherfucker in some pauper’s grave, puttin some lime on him, and pissin’ on him ('cause the piss activates the lime) they made him immortal in a heartbeat. Now if you’re a twenty-four-year-old nobody watchin’ this shit, lookin’ for your fifteen minutes of fame, whattya gonna do? Maybe grab an AK-47 and bump off some old blue rinses on their way to the bingo hall. Maybe strap on a suicide bamb and hit Mall of America. Maybe go postal on your fellow cubicle workers at Intel. Now I say to you: whatthafuck is wrong with the unwashed masses lappin’ this shit up?”
“In some ways this country’s going to shit,” I said.
“It’s goin’ to shit in a fuckin’ handbasket! “Two Tonys said. “I have no fuckin’ doubt about it. The media made Cho Seung-Hui into a fuckin’ rockstar. Mick Jagger ain’t got nothin’ on that guy. How many more Catcher in the Rye shitheads is the media gonna make into rockstars?”
“But what can be done about it? Isn’t it up to us to try and see the good in the world?”
“What the world needs now is a modern-day Genghis Khan to ride across it with a golden horde cullin’ all those stupid fuckin’ unwashed masses.”
“So you’re advocating genocide?”
“Genocide for motherfuckers who just wanna obsess on the plight of poor students gettin’ shot down like wharf rats.”
“I see.”
“In America today, all any loser who wants to go big time has to do is to go out and massacre motherfuckers. If you wanna be on Larry King Live, talk some fool into gettin’ ignorant, and Larry’s people will be suckin’ your dick to get you on. The news media is motivatin’ people to do these types of crimes. Just look at the video Cho mailed to NBC. Before everyone had fuckin’ idiot boxes guess what people did?”
“Had fuckin’ conversations with each other. Dad would look at you and say, ‘How did your day go, son?’ Now there’s TVs in every fuckin’ room: the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room, the den, the outside patio, and even the shitter. My daughter visited two weeks ago, and her and the kids talked about what movies they’d watched on the trip. It used to be you’d be cruisin’ along watchin’ the ocean, green trees, cows eatin’ in a fuckin’ pasture. Now you’ve got tinted fuckin’ windows and TVs in the car. You can watch Jean-Claude Van Damme do a jumpin’ spinnin’ hook kick and crack someone’s skull with the heel of his foot. You can watch Jet Li break someone’s nose, or shatter someone’s teeth with a tiger-claw palm strike. Or you can watch Bruce Willis blow the back of some motherfuckers skull out with a 9mm – and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that if the motherfucker had it comin’.”

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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood


Anonymous said...

I enjoy reading and agreeing (for the most part) the Two Tonys blogs, and this one hits the spot as usual...but, I think the great man is looking back on a 1950's childhood driving around with curious kids in the back of the car with a touch of rose-colored glasses. Haven't kids always hated travel? Been sick at the end of the road? Are we there yet?
Apart from that - top marks!!

Anonymous said...

use of urine on lime, maybe a trick from Two Tonys old days 'on the job'?
Amazing what you can learn on the internet.

Anonymous said...

Kids hated to travel? 1950's? What fucking planet do you live on anonymous? -JOSE in SD

Anonymous said...

To anonymous and the individual who posted under my handle. For those who are regular readers of my comments, I have never taken any comment personally nor have I ever used foul language. It is unfortunate that even in the cyber age, people resort to cowardly acts to remain "anonymous" and throw blemish on someone else. I may be taking this too far, but I am a firm believer in maintaining resepct and intergrity, no matter where it is, or what it is about. -The real Jose in San Diego.

Don said...

Two Tonys is right about kids and adults travel habits, it is hurry up and get there, not taking the time to see the world. One misses a lot that way. But as you say Jon, they are sucking on the big glass tit.