20 June 07

Yard 4 Plots to Give Me a Dead Pigeon or Toad on July 4th

Slope told me his life sentence was nearly up, so I suggested he get a job as an extra for movies like Deliverance.

“A fricken extra!” Slope said. “I’ll play the lead. Whaddaya mean extra? There’s a couple guys on this yard playin’ Deliverance. And some be screamin’ like pigs.”
“What do you really want to do when you get out?”
“I ain’t made up my mind. I’d like to get on a motorceeckle, and go for a ride until I get cold and tired.”
“Do you have people to stay with?”
“Oh yeah. Hell, I can go three or four different states, dawg: Oklahoma, Texas, Idaho, Oregon.”
“What about Ruby Ridge?”
“I’ve got people right down the road from there.”
“Why don’t you come to England and find yourself a good Englishwoman?”
“I’ll put it on them Englishwomen. I’ll have them singin’ the 'Star Spangled Banner' – O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light. By the time I’m done, they’ll all be puttin’ in for green cards.”
“Are you going to miss me on the Fourth of July?”
“It ain’t the Fourth yet. Don’t hold your breath, dawg. And remember: you’ve gotta eat somewhere if you eat at all. Across the yard ain’t far away enough from us. We might have a pigeon carcass thrown on yer tray – feathers included. If Short Dog gets a toad from the garden, we’ll dehydrate it, and that’ll be your main meal, man. Be glad you ain’t English Bob.Thought he was a gunslinger, and he got fucked off. He was a pseudo-gunslinger. Nowadays they be takin’ our guns away. A fella ought to be able to pack some iron anytime he wants to.”
“You’re certainly covering some ground today, Slope, but I don’t think you guys have enough pull to influence my holiday chow on Yard 1.”
“Dontcha? Just watch us.”

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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood


Anonymous said...

dude, you are an awesome writer...they say that "everything happens for a reason"...not sure why you are where you are, but maybe it's so I can sit here in Toronto at midnight, a little buzzed, reading these crazy stories about your life in jail...anyway, good luck to you and thanks for writing this shit...hope you get out soon!

Marcel in Toronto

Jemma said...

Can't wait to find out what they cook up for you Jon. Did you survive the 4th?