12 Jul 08

Zucchini (Part 5)

This series came about because many of you requested I blog what prisoners get up to sexually. If you take offence to sexual content you may not want to read on.

Max - A car-jacking Chukchansi Indian who entered prison as a teenager and went home to Las Vegas in 2007. His sexual adventures in prison include trading semen to an old pervert for commissary items.
Part four left off with Log insisting Max receive felatio from Cindy the transsexual.

“Did you go for it with Cindy?” I asked. “Did Log break you down?”
“No, dude,” Max said. “I tell Log, ‘I’m cool for now. I’ve gotta go back to the kitchen before they call for me.’
Log says, ‘So you don’t wanna get your issue?’
I say, ‘No,’ and put the shampoo bottle on the table.
Cindy’s still distracted.
I take a step to the door, and open it a little, and Log says, ‘Hey, Max, keep point real quick.’
I say, ‘OK. That’s cool.’ So now I’m outside of the door, watchin’ for guards, standin’ in front of the window, so no one can look in. People are walkin’ by, tryin’ to talk to me, dude, and it’s obvious I’m keepin’ point for some reason or other. I look across the run, and see a CO lookin’ at me. I’m getting’ a little paranoid now. I shouldn’t even be on Yard 2. A coupla minutes later, Log opens the door and asks me to come back inside.”
“Oh no.”
“I step just inside the door. I’m thinkin’ Log’s supposed to be my buddy, but he’s tryin’ to turn me out. I’m thinkin I need to examine how I choose my friends. I need to choose ’em more wisely.
Log says, ‘Do you wanna get your issue?’
It’s like he wants me to fall into that life of sin. It’s like an initiation ritual.
I say, ‘No, dude. I ain’t got time.’ ’Cause I’m tryin’ to be polite.
There’s a knock at the door, and a CO just walks right in, and says, ‘What’s that smell?’
I look up at the CO, and think I’m gonna get busted now for havin’ a threesome that I didn’t even do. It smells like sex up in that motherfucker.
The CO says, ‘What are you guys cookin’?’
Log says, ‘Just a soup.’
So I look toward the table, and I’m wonderin’ what happened to the shampoo bottle.”
“Uh oh.”
“When a CO busts you like this, sometimes they’ll strip you all out before they let you leave. I really don’t wanna get stripped out with these guys ’cause one’ll be lookin’ at my ass while the other checks out my dick. Who knows what the fucked-up rules of engagement are when it comes to Log and Cindy! If Log would do Cindy, then what is he plannin’ on doin’ to me?
The CO says, ‘You need to get outside and take care of those trays.’
I say, ‘Yeah. Just lemme roll a cigarette real quick.’
The CO leaves.
I’m rollin’ the cigarette, and I ask Cindy, ‘What happened to the shampoo bottle?’
Cindy says, ‘Don’t worry, honey. It’s in the bat cave.’”
I laughed.
“Now, I’m thinkin’, the shampoo bottle has been out, it’s been in, it’s been out, and now it’s locked in there again. It’s gotta be sore by now. I take off. I’m light again – six trays. I’m thinkin’, it’s just another day in my life at prison.”
“So, you didn’t succumb to the peer pressure from Log?”
“No. Not then.”
“But you went back there, didn’t you?”
“Did anything interesting happen?”
“Well, there was this funny-shaped hot-sauce bottle.”
“I was hoping you’d say something like that. Tell me about the hot-sauce bottle.”

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Anonymous said...

haha, I don't know why, but I find these Zucchini posts so morbidly fascinating.

It's like watching a gruesome scene in a horror movie, you can't avert your eyes and you're shocked that this interests you at some level.

Don't stretch this one out too long Shaun.

Anonymous said...

Check your email (writeinside). I want to write to Renee.

Sue from Hull.

Chris Phoenix said...

You may enjoy the Bloom County strips that were posted a few days ago at gocomics.com. Opus the penguin, who's led a very sheltered life, is thrown in the dog pound. Echoes of Shaun's experiences...

Andi said...

Life in a men's prison is so very different than life in a women's prison. You are such a good writer, too. I think that every time I read your posts. ~Andi P.S. Going through some major health issues, so I've been kind of reclusive lately.

Anonymous said...

You know Shaun I was just watching a prison documentary last night. It conjured memories of the crap that I endured in a hell hole of America's prison. So much lost time and memories I spent there!
Seems as if i'ver yet to get the stench of prison off my soul,but yet I read the stories we have talked so long about in your cell.
And it causes me to remember whether good or bad.