12 March 06

The Chicken Patty

“Hey, you gonna eat your chicken patty?” Little Wood, a youngster, shouted to Two Tonys.
“No, I’m not,” Two Tonys said.
“Can I get it?”
“Lemme check with my dawg here first,” Two Tonys said. “Hey, Cowboy, you want my chicken patty?”
“Yeah. Fuck, yeah,” Cowboy, a lifer, said. “I wannit if you’re not gonna eat it.”
“Hey, I asked first," Little Wood said in a raised voice. “I thought we were better than that, Two Tonys.”
“Hey, Little Wood,” Two Tonys said. “You know Cowboy here’s my road dawg. He’s gonna get food off my tray before you. You gotta accept that.”
“Fuck it,” Little Wood said. “I ain’t talkin’ to you no more. I ain’t got no rap for you.”
“Awww,” Two Tonys said. “How da fuck am I gonna make it through life without you rappin’ to me. I’m sixty-five-fuckin-years old. I’ve killed sixty-three of those years without you rappin’ to me. Do you think I can make it through another ten?”
Little Wood scowled at Two Tonys.
“What the fuck, Little Wood,” Two Tonys said. “Are we gonna have beef over a chicken fuckin’ patty? If that’s the way it is, fuck it, you ain’t got nothin’ comin’ from me.”
Two Tonys and Cowboy took their trays to their regular table - out of earshot of Little Wood. Cowboy took the chicken patty.
“Would ya believe it,” Two Tonys said. “Here I am, a guy who’s eaten abalone in Hawaii, and lobster in Cancun, and I’ve got a jabroni over here who wants to argue with me over a thirty-nine-cent, state-issue, piece-o-shit chicken patty. Sometimes I think I’m better off checkin’ outta this fuckin’ place and seein’ what’s on the other side. Stupid shit like this – arguin’ over chicken patties – makes my fuckin' blood boil.”

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Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Two Tonys - with his precise erudition - gets right to the point, as usual.