20 Nov 08

Fox Reality Channel to Air Sheriff Arpaio’s Reality TV Show in December.

Article in Phoenix New Times:

Say you're sick of Sheriff Joe Arpaio's aged, authoritarian blowhole? So much so that the mere sight of his flaccid turkey neck and oily pate causes the sudden need to blow chunks and an insatiable desire to kick a puppy in the nads?

Well, the nudniks over at the Fox Reality Channel are eager to bottle that Joe fatigue and sell it to an unsuspecting nation, with their latest dumbass reality series Smile...You're Under Arrest! This surefire Emmy-bait features penny-ante busts performed by Sheriff's Office goons. Suspects with outstanding warrants are suckered in by promises of modeling gigs, movie extra roles, and whatever else it takes to get them in a spot where MCSO doughnut-chompers can nab 'em without putting their beige-covered asses in harm's way.

If you think you've heard about this pathetic hunk o' televised merde before, you have. Over a year ago, the local press reported that Fox TV was shooting the pilot with the help of our corrupt, publicity-addicted top constable and his slavish minions.

Apparently, it's such a genius piece of programming that Fox is airing the first episode in this three-part series a couple of days after Xmas, according to a press release issued this week. A three-parter, huh? Sounds like a real winner, boys.The irony, of course, is that there are 40,000 felony warrants outstanding in Maricopa County because lazy-ass Joe and his tribe can't get it up to do their jobs. For some reason, I'm guessing that little factoid won't be mentioned anywhere in the Fox broadcasts.

As this is only a three-parter, no doubt producer Scott Satin (that's "Satin," not Satan) will be looking for more reality show spinoffs from Joe's jails. Here's one there's already footage for: Smile...You've Just Been Murdered by a Member of the Aryan Brotherhood! Channel 5 scored the video of that beat-down of MCSO inmate Robert Cotton. And now, New Times has secured footage of the naked body of Juan Mendoza Farias, who went into Joe's medieval hell-hole for a DUI and ended up -- you guessed it -- stiff as freshly cut pine.

Thing is, the video footage, which was recently released by MCSO lawyer Michelle Iafrate, isn't complete. As New Times scribe John Dickerson wrote in a recent blog post:

The video ends before Farias was shoved by 11 guards into another jail cell. There, about 11:08 p.m. according to incident reports, the guards pinned Farias facedown, with his hands cuffed behind his back. They eventually noticed that he wasn’t breathing. When they rolled him over, the mask covering his mouth was filled with blood. Guards initiated CPR on Farias between 11:15 and 11:20 p.m., according to written incident reports.

None of that – the entire purpose for the records request and lawsuit – was in the footage provided to New Times.

But maybe Scott Satan, sorry, Satin, could secure that missing footage from his buddy Sheriff Joe. I'll betcha Joe'd be willing to part with it as long as he can get his decrepit, wrinkled puss on cable for a few minutes.

Better even than Smile...You're Dead in Joe's Jails! would be the reality series, Smile, Joe, You're Being Hit with a Big Ole Indictment by Arizona's New U.S. Attorney! But we'll have to wait for Barack Obama to get sworn in, and a new Justice Department for that one to get filmed.

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Shaun P. Attwood


80mills said...

this is absolutely recockulous sherrif joe is a egotistical maniac who belongs right next to osama on the top ten and yet here we are awarding him and his roid monkey clones a TV show may god help us and let FOX television burn in hell for eternity -80millz

Anonymous said...

Whether you love or hate Sheriff Joe Arpaio, it's gonna be great TV.

It has action, arrests, hot chicks and guns. Oh, and no BS, it was all filmed live with real criminals with warrants out for their arrest.

At least it's a step above all those wannabe model n dance shows.

"Smile...You're Under Arrest" has Top Reality Producer Scott Satin, hot girl comedians like Tori Meyer and Diana Terranova!

Suzanne said...

I don't give a crap whether it's "great tv". That depends on your definition of great. Mine doesn't include suckering people into entrapment scenarios by offering them modeling jobs or whoring out hot comedian chicks to drawn them in. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who will get off watching people get thoroughly humiliated, then roughed up and thrown in jail. This kind of stuff appeals to dark places in our selves.