What did you learn about yourself during the many
years of incarceration?
In prison, I went on an amazing journey of
self-discovery. Previously, I’d been zipping through life without considering the
consequences of my actions, including the harm drugs cause to society. Prison
forced introspection and sobriety. After years of drug use, I felt a cloud lift
from my mind. The clarity of vision made me wonder how on earth I was still
alive after taking so many drugs and putting myself in so much danger. In jail,
Gerard Gravano – the son of Salvatore ‘Sammy the Bull’ Gravano, a Mafia mass
murderer – told me he’d once headed an armed crew dispatched to take me out to
the desert. Prison forced me to grow up. I saw how emotionally immature,
selfish, and foolish my behaviour had been. The pain I caused my family made me
ill, but added extra motivation to my soul searching. My mum had a nervous breakdown, which haunts me to this day. I
regretted sending people down the road of drug use, which inevitably devastates
not just users, but also their families. Shocked, I set out to try and make
sense of my behaviour. I submerged myself in psychology and philosophy books. I
had counselling with a brilliant neuro-psychotherapist
Dr. O, who helped
strip the layers of my personality down in order to analyse my inner dynamics.
I learned that the bad decisions that led to my arrest stemmed from anxiety and
my addictive adrenalin-junkie personality. I started doing drugs as a shy
student to socialise because I lacked the strength of my mind to enjoy myself
at a party sober. Dr. O said the key to staying out of trouble is to channel my
energy into positive things, which is what I do now via writing, karate, gym
classes, yoga, and meditation. To this day, I fall back on what he taught me
and I’m forever grateful. Meditating for hours on end in prison, going deep
inside of myself, gave me a great insight into my personality, especially how
my brain manufactures excessive worries and anxiety through thoughts. Over
time, I learned to stop such thoughts by concentrating on breathing, which short-circuited
my anxiety. We have the ability to heal ourselves with a powerful tool called
the brain. Thanks to yoga and meditation, which I practice daily, I’m still tapping into that power.
Click
here for yesterday's question and answer: http://jonsjailjournal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/question-5-locked-up-abroad-raving_29.html
Link
to all of my books at Amazon USA:
http://www.amazon.com/Shaun-Attwood/e/B0042NT0CU/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1
Shaun
Attwood
2 comments:
Excellent truth! I am in the process of beating cancer - but there were times in the beginning where I felt my best option was to "take myself out" as the initial prognosis was so grim. Using meditation helped to set my mind straight and back into survival mode - and now I have the option of being a success story - one of hope for others taking this cancer journey! Much love Shaun - you are a true survivor!
Barb,
That's so inspirational to read. My sister's 2 year old daughter has leukemia. You might find my sister's blog about her daughters battle with cancer inspirational:
http://www.ourlifewithleukaemia.blogspot.co.uk/
Keep on smiling!
Shaun Attwood
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