Ms. B (by Guest Blogger Big Jason)
Big Jason was incarcerated as a youth in Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Durango jail and the Arizona Department of Corrections Adobe Mountain juvenile facility for assault, attempted burglary, and violation of probation.
The Adobe Mountain School had been making headlines with horrid conditions that led to health problems, suicide, riots, staff assaults and more. In order to comply with new regulations set forth by the state, the moving around of inmates and changing of staff took place. During this change, I was selected for the new honor cottage – for inmates who had maintained excellent behavior over an extended period of time with no write ups or disciplinary infractions. If you were lucky enough to be selected, you could expect to have good movies, pool tables, ping-pong, popcorn, more free time and one of the best parts to me, you got to wear your own clothes.
The new building wasn't ready for us to be moved into yet, so I had to pull a few days in another cottage while ours was having the finishing touches applied. My temporary home was called Laredo and had mostly kids a few years younger than me. To my surprise, I ended up bunking with a dude named Chris that I was in a group home with before being incarcerated. We got along at the group home and this was going to be a pretty good layover.
A few days passed and word came down from my case manager that more work had to be done to the new place and it would be at least two weeks before we could move. I figured it won’t be too hard a time since Chris and I were getting along well. An added bonus was that Laredo housed a beautiful staff member named Ms. B – a case manager for kids in the cottage. She and her friend Cyndi were both pretty and rumor had it that they were known to get it on with a few lucky guys. This kind of talk was usually the spawn of some inmates fantasy from boredom behind bars or at least I had thought it was.
We returned from the gym and a group of us took up a spot in one of the open areas by the cells. Chris and me were leaning up against table and shooting the shit with some bros when Ms. B walked up with her clipboard and asked, “Hey guys, what’s up?”. Unlike the guards, Ms. B was allowed to wear her own clothes that weren't state issued uniforms, allowing her to really shine amongst the drab background of life in the Arizona Department of Juvenile Corrections. Her clothes were modern and fashionable. She wore little round sunglasses like John Lennon's that stood out against her pale complexion. Long curly hair adorned her face and bounced when she walked. Her perfume was a welcome relief to the standard smell of cleaning products and body odor that permeated the premises.
Taken back by Ms. B's presence, we all stammered and spoke up at the same time with the usual oh-nothing banter. Ms. B walked over in-between Chris and I, and pushed herself up onto the table to have a seat and talk with us. My hand had been out on the table to prop myself up and she took a seat right on it. I was shocked that she didn't immediately jump up as if to say “oops” or excuse herself from the area but she didn't. She started grinding on my hand as she talked to us like nothing deviant was going on. It was obvious she was doing this on purpose and the guys took notice. I felt really weird and at the same time I liked it. It made me feel like I was important and boosted my ego in front of my comrades. After a few minutes, she got up and left and went on about her day as if nothing had happened. We all looked at each other and began whispering. The guys kept saying how lucky I was and how they couldn't believe she just did that. I was hoping jealousy wouldn't ruin a good thing by having one of these dudes snitch her out because they weren't getting any play.
I hoped it would be an ongoing thing – a repeat performance to feed the beast she had awakened within me. During a count, she was walking by the lined-up inmates and someone yelled, “Bitch!” With a flustered face, she immediately turned around and scanned the crowd. “Who said it?” she yelled with a furious look. A few of the Hispanic kids that I didn't talk to chimed in with, “It’s that white guy, Jason.” She turned and looked at me, and told me to separate from the line and prepare to roll up for GULF. I was pissed. GULF was the isolation unit used to punish inmates beyond the normal 24 hour lock-down.
I protested but again like many times before when I had a gripe or complaint, my words fell on deaf ears. There was no arguing or it would only make things worse. You could end being beaten by the guards and have charges brought against you for whatever they decided to say you did. I have witnessed this happen to other kids and wasn't about to let them do me like that. The C.O.'s from GULF arrived and cuffed me. I was placed on the back of a golf cart and driven away to the isolation unit for a few days of “the hole.” How this would effect my honor cottage status I had no idea. I wouldn't be seeing my case worker until I got out. My rage was being suppressed by my desire to not make things worse than they already appeared to be. In the back of my mind the only thing I thought about was getting out and running a shank up in those lying punks who caused this. Why they targeted me I was unsure. Perhaps they thought I was stealing their thunder in the cottage and because I didn't kiss their asses like a lot of the white kids did, they didn't like me. Guess I wasn't expecting this from them.
After two days at GULF, I was released back to the cottage and informed that I was not to engage with the Hispanics. It was also made clear that I should be on my best behavior as the honor cottage deal was still going through. Happy to be out of the hole, I brought my stuff back into my cell where Chris was anxiously awaiting my arrival. I told him about what they said and he agreed I should play it cool. I could have easily smashed those punks, and the thought did cross my mind, but I had to behave to get to my new home with its rewards.
My repressed anger got the best of me again and after a day or so of steaming, I decided I would walk over to the Hispanics section and confront them. I was hoping to punk them and embarrass them for causing me to go to the hole. I knew none of them would stand to up to me, and this would give me the opportunity for some action without creating a huge scene. On the way over to their side, I passed by some cells and something caught my eye. I looked over to the left and saw two guys naked with only towels on, engaged in a mutual sex act. I'm unsure what I said but it brought the attention of other inmates and now there was a scene. A crowd formed outside the cell to see what the commotion was and bust the balls of the embarrassed lovers. Staff took notice and called for a lock-down to investigate the incident. So much for my plans.
Shaun Attwood
With medical students who stayed behind after the talk and asked loads of questions, North Nottinghamshire College
